


what lies at the end

by Lackystars



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged Up, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Memory Loss, Online Relationship, POV Third Person, Past creek, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, chapter 5 is kinda like a song fic lmao, cryde - Freeform, dick pics lmao, kinda??, okayy idk if this counts as explicit but uhh, style is mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-02-06 14:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12819813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lackystars/pseuds/Lackystars
Summary: TheDarkFlameMaster: It's hard to wait around for something that might never happen, but it's hard to give up when you know it's everything you want. To tell you the truth, I can't offer you much. But still, I'd give you everything I've got, even if it's barely a thing at all. I'm in love with you, or at least, the only 'you' I could ever know.Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What the fuckIt's been four years ever since Craig Tucker packed his bags and left South Park. When he comes back, something has changed. Feeling out of place in a town that has moved on without him, he finds himself sharing his sorrows with a random stranger on the internet. It's strange, but Craig feels as if he's rekindling a relationship long lost.





	1. Renew

       _Arenthia Realms is a widely popular MMORPG. With its easy to grasp, hard to master gameplay, and expansive world, there’s no surprise that it has come to host millions of players all around the globe. The endless customisation features and highly accessible system are praised by fans of the game, and best of all, it’s free to play! Unlike similar MMORPGS, there are no pesky pay walls to be locked behind. If you wish, cosmetic upgrades are available to purchase with real life money._

_There are a large number of classes for you to explore! Ranging from the traditional rogue, to the more unconventional Popstar class, there’s something for everyone. Meet new friends and form parties to take on challenging dungeons and bosses! Come, join the magical world of Arenthia and play now!_

* * *

 

     Craig Tucker didn’t know that his little sister was a huge gamer. At the risk of sounding like a sexist asshole (which to be fair, came a dime a dozen here in South Park), Tricia was, in every sense of the term, a ‘gamer girl’. Now Craig didn’t really care what his sister did, as long as it didn’t hurt anyone or got him involved. Still, the half open bag of Doritos, and nearly empty bottle of Mountain Dew called for an investigation. It looked rather out of place in her very blatantly pink room. Tricia would probably kill him if she found out that Craig had been snooping her around in her room, but he was willing to take that risk. It was his responsibility as her big brother to make sure she was being safe online, even though she was already 16 and could probably make her own decisions. Also, she had left her door open which was basically granting him permission to come in.

     Where Tricia was, Craig didn’t know, but perhaps this open opportunity could lead to something great. This could be _it_. The thing that finally got a sad 21-year-old repressed homosexual young man out of his parent’s house and into a brand-new chapter of his life. Well, probably not. At the very least, he could find something to tease her about. 

     He walked over to the desk to where her computer was. It was a simple old thing, but good enough to run basic tasks. A little orange light blinked in the corner of the panel of the monitor. Shaking the mouse, Craig woke the computer from its slumber. He eyed the screen with suspicion. Apparently, the computer was also good enough to run what seemed like a rather graphically intensive game.

     The screen was just so… sparkly. Particle effects danced all over the user interface, where Craig recognised a number of typical MMORPG features- level, experience, skills and so forth. He had played something like this when he was younger. He wasn't too invested into it, but it was still nice to just play around with his friends. Plus, he had met some really cool people online. But even so, these kinds of games were only fun if you wanted to mindlessly sink hours into obtaining an arbitrary sense of progression and fulfilment.

     The raven rolled his eyes when he saw his little sister’s avatar. It was a scantily dressed woman, or maybe a pixie, with green leaves and vines just barely covering her body. For some reason, she had angel wings protruding from her back, and she was also holding a microphone. Her iridescent green eyes shone with mischief, and her perfect long brown hair curled just above her waist. Craig sighed. It was obvious that Tricia was invested in making her character look as pretty as she could possibly be.

     Ever since they were kids, Tricia was always calling Craig a ‘fuckboy’, but it seemed like in ran in family. _Xx_TwilightRose__ xX was way too sexually objectified for it to be normal. Craig knew what his little sister was like. There was no way she would allow this type of online persona to even exist. Unless… it was intentional. But why? What good was there in making one's self open to all sorts of unsavoury attention?

* * *

 

     To be fair, Craig being a fuckboy was true to some extent. As early as the fourth grade, girls practically flocked to the boy. There was something about his cool and steely gaze, and devil may care attitude that drove them wild. It also helped that he was technically voted one of the cutest boys in class. He would always entertain them for a few weeks, leading them on, but then eventually break up with them, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts.

     It helped boost his non-existent self esteem when it came to dealing with his sexuality.

     It got worse when he was in high school. In his junior year, the Asian girls decided to take it upon themselves to enforce their ‘ship’ upon the student body. After Stan and Kyle decided to stop being whiny assholes and confessed their love for each other, the next best targets were a certain twitchy blonde and a black-haired boy in a chullo hat. The whole yaoi fiasco thing with Tweek had Craig frantically denying all of it, lest he be seen as gay. It had strained his relationship with one of his best friends. Resigning to their fate, they had tried going out, but Craig couldn’t handle the homophobic remarks made towards him. It was even worse when they were directed at Tweek.

     Even if he didn’t reciprocate the blonde’s romantic feelings, Craig couldn’t deny the rush of rage that coursed through him when he heard Tweek being called a ‘fucking faggot’ by one of the girls, jealous that they weren’t able to get into Craig’s pants. It was like he wanted to protect the poor boy. Maybe it wasn’t in a way that Tweek wanted, but Craig cared about him. When it all got too much, they had staged a break up, even though they were never really together in the first place. Craig could never forget that fateful day. He could never forget the way Tweek ran out of the school, tears streaking from his eyes as he shook uncontrollably. He could never forget the hateful glare Wendy shot him as she went after Tweek, and he could never forget the way Clyde patted his shoulder in sympathy.

     That night, his heart burned with an icy fury, futilely lamenting something that he had lost, but never really did. He found himself outside the door of the Tweek Bros. coffeehouse. It was empty inside, which wasn't surprising given the time. With a resolute exhale, Craig stepped into the building. He didn't really know what he was doing here, but he knew had to do  _something_. A familiar pair of hazel eyes caught his own. They widened slightly before returning to normal. 

     Something in Craig died when he saw those eyes. He had always loved Tweek's eyes. They could express so much, like an innocent doe, and they complemented his wild blonde hair perfectly. He loved watching the colours shift from a more green to when he was happy, or to a more grey when he was nervous. But he couldn't stand how Tweek was looking at him now. Those eyes were blank. Those were his customer eyes. 

     He gave a small smile. "So Craig, what can I get for you?" Tweek asked politely, but in a non-committal tone. Was that what Craig was to Tweek now? Just a mere customer? "It's a bit late, isn't it? Burning the midnight oil so you can finish your essay?" Tweek continued, a hint of amusement in his voice. He sounded fake. Like he was trying to hide something. 

     Craig was silent, lest he say something he regretted. He felt like vomiting. It was a gross feeling, hearing Tweek look and talk to him like that. Tweek sighed when he looked back at Craig who was staring blankly at him. While Tweek always wore his heart on his sleeve, Craig guarded himself with walls of apathy, reinforced by a biting cynicism. But now those walls were breaking down, threatening to crush him. The blonde pointed to an empty booth. "Go sit over there, I'll fix you something. My shift is ending soon anyway." Tweek said. 

    Craig absently nodded, and made his way to the booth. His legs felt like lead pipes. He clenched his teeth. What the fuck was he doing? Why the hell was he acting like a clingy teenage girl who just broke up with her boyfriend? Craig wanted this... didn't he? Yeah, that's right. He didn't want to limit himself to Tweek, so could explore all the other fish in the sea. They were just friends. 

    A few moments later, Tweek came by, holding two mugs- one was plain coffee, and the other was hot cocoa and marshmallows, just the way Craig liked it. The two sat together in silence. They both knew they had to address the elephant in the room, but they didn't want to. 

     Tweek spoke up. "You know how I like to hold your hand when I'm nervous? It makes me feel calmer." Tweek said. Craig meshed his eyebrows. Why was he bringing this up now? 

    Craig nodded. "Yeah."

    "Well, may I hold your hand now?" Tweek asked nonchalantly, as if he was ordering some food or something. As if he didn't understand the implications of his request. But Craig knew that Tweek knew that he was very well aware of what he was asking. 

     "Okay." Craig replied in that nasally monotone of his. 

     Tweek silently took Craig’s hand into his own. He squeezed, letting himself indulge in the coarseness of his skin, for what could possibly be the last time. He felt his breathing rate settle. He could do this. He couldn't falter now. “Y-you know, you’re capable of more than you think.” Tweek said quietly, his voice laced with a sombre sadness. Craig blinked. The raven had said those words to Tweek when they had first dating. Then he exploded.

     "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Craig cried out, as if his anger was trying to compensate for something. His chest was on fire, yet he felt so cold.  He clenched his fist. “How can you be so calm? God, I fucked up! Don’t you hate me?!” he continued.

     Tweek sighed exasperatedly.  _“_ Craig, shut the fuck up and stop being a selfish asshole! This isn’t just about you." Tweek exclaimed. He took a deep breath. Craig felt his heart jump at the sudden outburst. Tweek never raised his voice like this. "Of course I don’t hate you… We’re best friends, right? And nothing can change that.” Tweek continued, surprisingly composed.

     "Well, yeah I guess. But I made things awkward between us. Because I'm not gay. Because I don't like you in that way."

    Tweek rolled his eyes. He glanced at Craig's steely blue eyes. They were so guarded, like always. Suspicion began to fill the blonde's mind. There was something wrong here."The only thing that's awkward is how much of a bitch you're being. I don't care that you're not gay." he paused, trying to find the right words. "I think I know what you're trying to do."

    "What the fuck? How can you say that? Jesus, I don't know what I want! I don't know what to do. I just want my friend back!" Craig protested. Tweek bit his lip. His theory was confirmed. 

    "Stop saying that! You keep acting like your world is ending. Remember,  _you_ broke up with me! We are friends, you fucking dumbass. Stop saying that we're not. Unless that's what you want?" Tweek tested. He felt like an asshole for playing that card, but he knew he had to do it or else he would fall into Craig's trap. Maybe it was just the blonde's paranoia, but Craig was definitely up to something. 

     "Fuck no!"

    "Good. Now quit being a drama queen and get over yourself." Tweek firmly stated, staring Craig in the eye. His gaze softened and let out a small gasp when he saw the boy incessantly rub his eyes, tears falling. "Oh shit. I'm sorry Craig. I didn't mean it like that." Tweek sadly murmured. 

    "No, you're right. I'm just wallowing in my own self pity." Craig said, voice breaking up with sobs. He wasn't crying because of what Tweek said, or how he even said it. He was crying because Tweek was right. Craig didn't know it himself, but this was all a pathetic attempt to get Tweek back. Even if wasn't intentional, there was no denying where it came from- a desire and love for Tweek that was ugly and foul. A superficial affection, similar to how he would lead on those girls back when he was just a kid. And because Tweek understood this, there was nothing else left to hide. 

    "...Say Tweek, if I wanted to take you back, would you let me?" Craig asked with a broken smile. He was pulling on his bangs in anger, or maybe it was shame.  Tweek gave a sympathetic smile in return.

    "Yeah, I would. There's nothing else in the world that I would want more. For us to love each other unconditionally. But I know, that you know, that can't happen. And that's not what you want." Tweek replied honestly. He could feel his eyes begin to moisten. His tears were a mix of happiness and sadness, like that resigned feeling when you finish a good book, because you regret it when good things come to an end but you're glad that there's something to feel sad about. 

    "I think I get what you mean." Craig sighed. "You're right, I think I'm just looking for someone to approve of these feelings, to tell me everything will be okay. Sorry I was acting like a jerk."

    "It's okay Craig, I understand how you feel. What's going on?"

    "What do you mean, what's going on?" Craig asked. "You know, just another shitty day in the life of Craig Tucker."

    "Oh my god, how does that make you feel?" Tweek asked. Craig narrowed his eyes. There was something very familiar about this...

    "I feel so scared. And confused. I feel alone!" Craig admitted, playing along.

    "Well, that must be so horrible to feel that way. I bet it's even hard for you to think!" Tweek replied, winking.  

    "It is! It's terrible!" Craig exclaimed, trying to stifle a laugh.

    "Jesus, it's like there's no solution! What are you gonna do? What can you do?" 

    Craig had a wide smile on his face. He got out of his booth seat. He went over to Tweek and wrapped him in a tight embrace, resting his head on his shoulders for support. "I can do this, at least. Thanks, Tweek." Craig breathed out. Tweek hugged him back.

    "Any time, Craig. I love you. No homo." Tweek teased, feeling his cheeks warm slightly. Tweek often said those words to his boyfriend back when they were 'dating', but this time, it was different. This time, it felt like it meant something to both of them. 

* * *

      Craig was broken out of his reminiscing stupor when the screen suddenly flashed with a notification. There was a red icon by the mail box symbol. He clicked on it. There was a new private message by someone called TheDarkFlameMaster. Craig frowned. Who the hell was this? He clicked on the profile. TheDarkFlameMaster was a level 27 warrior specialising in protection skills. The avatar seemed normal enough. 

**TheDarkFlameMaster: hey there :) show me ur boobs and i'll help u beat the forbidden forest dungeon ;)**

     What the fuck. Craig was shocked at what he was seeing. Some random was hitting on his little sister! He did not approve of this at all. The raven was paralysed. He couldn't move his hands. Then there was another message.

**TheDarkFlameMaster: u there?? i saw ur post about needing help for the dungeon. you said you would do anything**

     Craig seethed with rage. He was always wondering what his sister was doing when she was locked up in her room. He would have never guessed she was sexting strangers just to advance in some game. He began to type, not caring about how Tricia would react when she found out.

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Fuck off. Leave my little sister alone, you fucking asshole!**

    There was no response for quite a while. Craig was glad. He didn't really want to deal with this kind of thing. Hopefully the stranger would just leave Tricia alone, and then Craig could scold Tricia about how dangerous the internet could be. 

**TheDarkFlameMaster:** **oh is big bro mad?? lol**

**TheDarkFlameMaster:** **that's so not cool dude. let ur sis do whatever she wants**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What the fuck? She's 16, you sicko!**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: LMAO. well that's a shame. under 18s shouldn't be here anyway**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You know, some people just want to play video games in a safe space where they don't have to worry about being attacked by sexual predators!**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: cool story bro. im 22 btw, so don't worry about me being some creepy old man**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That's not the point. Jesus fuck!**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: okay lol. if your sister still wants to get past the forbidden forest, tell her i'll take her brothers dick pic instead ;)**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: WHAT THE FUCK**

    Craig couldn't handle it anymore. He bolted out of the room, breathing heavily. This was so wrong. People were just so disgusting. How could they say shit like that? He went to his room and cradled his head in his hands. What was even more disgusting was that he was actually considering it. Letting himself go like that. There was something undeniably hot about sending nudes. Unlike the porn he watched, there was something so personal about nudes that got Craig all hot. Maybe it was playing with his voyeuristic side. The moment he saw that pixellated winky face, his blood travelled south. Nobody would have to know. They were all hidden by the mask of anonymity. There was no harm in doing so. If the two exchanged dick pics, they could just beat off and Tricia would finally get past that damn forbidden forest. 

 Craig groaned. He was sooooo happy. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanted to try writing my first multi chapter sp fic, though knowing me, I probably won't finish it lmao. Still, I'll be glad if you all decide to give this a chance! Please note that although this fic is primarily cryde, it will reference creek quite a fair a bit. I mean, I guess this chapter is just exposition, but I think it's necessary? :')
> 
> Anyway, be sure to let me know your thoughts in the comments, and if there's any advice/suggestions you'd like to make! Until next time, see ya :)


	2. Resolute

      By day, Clyde Donovan worked at his father’s shoe store, catering to the masses which primarily consisted of pre-pubescent girls and their doting fathers trying to squeeze in a bargain. He virtually ran the store ever since his father's health had started declining. There was a very real possibility that Clyde would come to inherit it, but the brunette wasn't sure if he was ready to accept such a responsibility. By night, he baked his deceased mother’s lemon bars and played video games. At 22 years old, one could comment on how this was no life for such a young man, and that he had the potential for greater things, but here in South Park, a hick town where all sorts of crazy shit happened, he was glad for the semblance of normalcy. At least, that’s what he told himself as he lay awake in the early hours of the morning, looking for something that wasn’t exactly there, looking for a best friend that had disappeared without a trace.

     Over the years, the town had changed. Graduating high school was a catalyst for change for the once irreverent fourth graders who had now gone their own separate ways. Jimmy had found his big break as a comedian in The Big Apple. Token and his family had allegedly moved to Australia of all places, after being fed up with the police force's incompetence when it came to dealing with African Americans. Ever since Stan and Kyle had successfully started up a veterinary clinic all the way over in Denver, and Cartman had tragically quit all forms of social media, the aforementioned ‘crazy shit’ that happened to the town occurred less frequently. Clyde almost missed it. Then again, he wouldn’t miss being banished from the universe and into a null void.

     The guys still all kept in contact with each other, but it was natural that they would slowly drift apart. They enjoyed hearing about each other’s adventures, but there was something missing. They wanted to have an adventure of their own again, like when they were kids, but unless Wendy had made a breakthrough in the field of quantum physics and created a time machine, it wasn’t going to happen.

      ‘Craig and Those Guys’ had basically devolved into ‘Clyde and Tweek and maybe Kenny’.

     Tweek still worked at his parent's coffeehouse, but he had been put in a more proactive position. After having successfully completed rehabilitation, the Tweek household had finally realised that maybe putting meth in their coffee wasn't exactly the most wise decision they had ever made. They were sad to let go of their local tweakers, Richard in particular as he lamented the loss of the secret ingredient of the Sunset Blend, but it was for the best. And it was reflected in Tweek. Although he still suffered from his anxiety, the severity was greatly reduced, and he could now speak at least two sentences without screaming. He had cut back on his caffeine intake- four cups a day was mild compared to how he would easily down 16 cups back when he was in school. His neurotic personality had mellowed out, and he was a pleasant person to hang out with. Also, Clyde was glad for the opportunity to make a little bit of cash on the side- he supplied his mother's famous lemon bars to the coffeehouse which had sold surprisingly well.

     And as for Kenny? Well, at least Kenny McCormick would remain a constant in this progressively changing town. The two had struck up an unlikely friendship when he gave two free pairs of shoes away to him and his little sister. Kenny acted like Clyde was his saviour, offering to suck his dick in return. What little integrity Clyde had forced him to decline the offer, as tempting as it was, because they were friends. Clyde knew Kenny was poor, but he didn’t know he was _that_ poor. He probably wasn’t even. Maybe he just appreciated receiving free stuff and was trying to pay him back in his own special way. Granted, the two had barely interacted throughout their high school lives, but Clyde wasn't one to deny new companions. Clyde was often referred to something akin to an innocent little puppy, but this was far from the truth. At times, he could be as dirty minded as Kenny. The two had bonded over intricate discussions about intercourse and it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. On the contrary, it was rather refreshing. Clyde had enjoyed listening to Kenny's recounts of his pursuits, and although he externally cringed whenever the blonde went into depth about his male encounters, there was something fascinating about hearing him speak without restraint. Being actually able to hear him clearly also helped. 

     And then there was Craig. Clyde had heard that Craig had briefly moved away to study astronomy at some prestigious science college. The brunette was surprised to hear that the college accepted the raven’s application. Craig wasn’t exactly the smartest guy out there. He knew how to flip people off and punch them, and that was just about it. To be fair, Clyde wasn't any better. He had only barely managed to scrape by in class. But maybe Clyde wasn’t giving his best friend enough credit.

     Or maybe they weren’t friends at all. Craig had left without a word. He just got up and left. Nobody knew anything about what he was doing. Clyde’s countless messages were left on seen. They were simple ones at first.  ‘Hey man, what’s up?’, or ‘what are you up to??’. But they remained ignored. Out of desperation, Clyde had sent some more thoughtful and longer messages, hoping that he would receive at least some sort of acknowledgement. They didn't. 

Last night, as he was drinking his sorrows away, he decided to send a final message. Clyde had this deluded fantasy, reinforced by his intoxication, that this would be the message to bring back the Craig he once knew.  He told himself, if Craig didn't reply, then Clyde would give up on him. There was no point in clinging to that last piece of hope when all it would lead to was heartbreak and suffering. Maybe his message was out of love, maybe it was out of stupidity, but whatever it was, it wasn't easy to decide. Just as it wasn't that easy to give up on the boy he was chasing after for nearly ten years. There came a point in their friendship where Clyde wanted more than just that. He didn't know if he exactly  _loved_ Craig, but for some reason, he wanted to hold his hands, to be near him, to feel those rough lips against his own. In a totally platonic and non-homosexual way.   

* * *

 

**To Creg Fucker**

**Big D:** _hey dude. it's 2am and im fucking drunk but uhhhhh_

 **Big D:** _okay where the hell have you been?! are you still alive?  did the government kidnap you so that they could steal your eye laser powers??_

 **Big D:** _wait, scratch that. pretty sure you just liked my instagram post from five years ago lmao. it was probably an accident, but damn craig, at least take me out to dinner before you fuck me ;)  
_

**Big D:**   _wtf am i even talking about_

 **Big D:** _oh yeah, did you hear? Cartman, the mad man, he actually did it! he quit everything. It wasn't just Twitter this time, he even quit Facebook and Snapchat! Well, at least he's happy with that Heidi Turner chick._

 **Big** **D:**   _hmm, what else? did you know that dad practically left the shoe store to me? the next time you need a pair of fresh kicks, come hit me up :D_

 **Big D:**   _but apparently dad's liver has been pretty much dying. he won't say anything to me about it , he thinks I won't be able to handle it. I know for a fact that all the alcohol he drinks isn't helping. god idk what i'd do if i lost him too... :(_

 **Big D:** _whatever. you probably don't even care._ _it’s been four years. Four fucking years. And I’ve got nothing from you. Nothing at all. I asked your dad about what you’ve been doing. He won’t say anything to me. Neither will your mom or sister._

 **Big D:**   _this is gonna sound hella gay, but i miss you bro. maybe i have a kink for people who sound like me, but i just wanna hear your nasally croak again lmao. i love you. no homo._

 **Big D:** _your ex bf is also worried about you. tweek doesn't shake as much as he used to, i think it's because he's actually been weaned off meth lol. he's so nice to me tho. he drove my drunk ass home tonight. i just randomly called him and he just came and pick me up. what a lad._

 **Big D:**   _it's sad when i think about how jealous i was of him. i used to hate him because he practically stole you away from me. i felt hurt at how easily i was replaced._

 **Big D:**   _and y'know what? I was glad when you two broke up. god, i was so pett_ _y_

 **Big D:** _umm im about to pass out. I guess I'll leave it at that, then. Good night!_

 **Big D:**   _or maybe it's morning for you wherever you are? lol_

 **Big D:**   _I like to think that's it's also 2am for you and that you're talking to me but like, you don't know me. If that makes sense. Maybe we can pretend we're random strangers whose meeting was destined to happen. Maybe we could start over. Maybe in another world, huh?_

 **Big D:** _bye_

 **Seen at 2:14AM** _  
_

* * *

      Maybe in another world. There were endless possibilities out there. Now Clyde didn't really believe in alternate universes or anything, but sometimes he found himself wishing he was in a world where Craig was still here. A world where homophobia didn't exist, and Craig was a lot more confident when it came to dealing with his sexuality. A world where they were in some cliched romantic comedy. Craig would be the cute nerdy shy boy next door who fell for Clyde, the big man on campus. There would be some stupid subplot involving these bitchy girls wanting to get into Clyde's pants, and rumours would fly everywhere about how they were gay. You know, the typical high school drama bullshit. But they would come out on top, and there would be a message about how love overcomes all adversity. Or something. 

     Clyde sighed as he absently mixed a bowl of lemon filling. That fantasy would never happen. For one, the roles would probably be reversed if Craig had any say in it. His ego was too inflated to allow his character to be reduced to some nerdy shy boy, even if that description fitted him to a T. Clyde had never met someone who was so obsessed with Red Racer and space like Craig was. He was a huge nerd. And although he wasn't shy per se, he didn't like to interact with people outside of their own friend circle. Even though he was one of the hottest guys in school, he had never entered a serious relationship with anyone. Sometimes, Clyde thought he was asexual. He showed no sexual interest in anything whatsoever. Or maybe he was just too shy to, which was highly unlikely considering how gay he was with Tweek. Then again, the two had never progressed beyond simple hand holding.  

     ...Was Craig a virgin?

     The brunette shook his head. He didn't have time to be thinking about meaningless things like that, even if the thought of it was incredibly hot. He had lemon bars to bake! The Tweek Bros. coffeehouse had placed a rather large order for the first half of the week, given that it was the festive season- the natural warmth that radiated from the building was especially effective in bringing in customers seeking refuge from the cold. Tweek often mentioned how he saw various couples whisper sweet nothings to each other over a cup of hot chocolate. It was endearing the first few times, but it soon turned irritating when it only served to remind Clyde about how lonely he truly was. From the tone of his voice, it seemed like Tweek was speaking from experience. Clyde never got all the details about his and Craig's relationship, and their consequent break up- he had seen Craig break up with Tweek at school, but from the way the raven was acting during the post separation phase, it was as if Tweek had broken up with him.  

     Clyde placed the filling on top of the pre-baked crust. There was something about Betsy Donovan's recipe that made it simply irresistible, that always had you coming back for more. But whatever it was, Clyde couldn't replicate it. He had tried everything. He tried substituting the white sugar for brown sugar, he tried using less lemon, he tried baking a whole lemon, but whatever he did, it was useless. Even Tweek, whose cupcakes could appease the leader of North Korea, didn't quite know what to do. Maybe it was missing a mother's loving touch and affection, something that Clyde had desperately wanted ever since he was ten years old and his mother passed away. 

     Another thing that Clyde was known for was being a cry baby. But funnily enough, the boy didn't shed a single tear that fateful day. It was as if he was too shocked to cry, like he had temporarily forgotten how to. Maybe it was his way of coping with the loss. Locking up his emotions and throwing away the key. His fellow friends experienced all of his feelings for him. Craig had uncharacteristically wrapped him up in his arms, Jimmy tried to lighten up the mood with a joke or two, Token had murmured small words of consolation. But on that day, he felt so hollow. Empty. He didn't even have the strength to lash out at his friends, to demand that they just leave him the hell alone. Instead, he accepted their empty platitudes.

     Sighing, Clyde inserted the prepared lemon bars into the preheated oven. Even though the incident happened ten years ago, every time he made these lemon bars, the knife in his chest twisted just that little bit more. He set the timer for half an hour. The brunette found himself wondering what to do as he waited for the lemon bars to cook. He fiddled with his hands. A minute passed. Pulling his phone out of his pocket that was on its last legs of battery life, he decided to log on to 'Arenthia Realms Social'. Maybe that Xx_TwilightRose_xX was on.

     The thing about Arenthia Realms was that its social system was highly regarded. It almost functioned as its own social media site. Parties could form and communicate via group messages, but direct messages were also available. It was so successful that the developers of the game decided to create an app for players just to check their messages, as well as any important updates or announcements. Navigating through the user interface, he found his private conversation with TwilightRose. 

**TheDarkFlameMaster: hey**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: your sexy ;)**

     There was no immediate response. Clyde was expecting this. Not everyone had time to be playing video games. He often wondered what kind of guy TwilightRose was, or if it was even still a guy he was talking to. It could have been his little sister. But for some reason, he didn't feel as if that was the case. From the way TwilightRose spoke, he could imagine this guy with a permanent scowl, cold blue eyes glaring at Clyde. Suddenly, his phone vibrated. The brunette beamed. TwilightRose could have easily ignored him, but he decided to humour Clyde. It was probably out of pity, but nevertheless, it still felt nice to receive a response. 

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You don't even know what I look like.**

  **TheDarkFlameMaster: then maybe u can help me out ;)**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Right...**

Clyde raised his eyebrows incredulously at the sight of the image that was suddenly sent through. It was a meme. It depicted the infamous Snapchat hotdog taking a selfie with the caption, 'feeling cute, might delete later idk tho'. He let a small smile appear on his face. It was kind of funny.

**TheDarkFlameMaster: oh wow!! your beautiful inside and out <3**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What about my beautiful?**

     Clyde scanned the words a few times, slightly confused. Then he rolled his eyes. So TwilightRose was a bit of a smart ass, huh? He smirked. Two could play at that game.

 **TheDarkFlameMaster:** **It got up and left. Ever since you decided to be a little bitch. I know the fucking difference between your and you're. Even though I nearly failed English in high school, you don't need to act like a dick about it.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: jk lmao XD**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Jeez. What's up your ass?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: idk, let me just check real quick. hmm, looks like there's a stick, two batteries, and a guinea pig lol**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You fucking animal. That's not funny.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: uh oh, did I hit a nerve?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: GUINEA PIGS ARE PRECIOUS LITTLE BABIES AND DESERVE ALL THE BEST IN THIS UGLY WORLD.**

Clyde couldn't help but to burst out laughing at this. For all of his seriousness, it seemed like TwilightRose had a soft spot for guinea pigs of all things. To be fair, they were cute little critters, but Clyde didn't exactly share a burning passion for them.

 **TheDarkFlameMaster:** **Hey, how about you replace the guinea pig with your cock? ;)**

Clyde loved to mess with people. It made him feel powerful. Like he was in control of something for once in his life. He loved eating up their reactions. There was something about pushing people's buttons that was absolutely exhilarating. In hindsight, he probably should have been worried about crossing the line, but where was the fun in fretting over something so arbitrary? He was anonymous. Clyde could say anything he wanted and get away with it, repercussions be damned.  And if TwilightRose had enough of it, well, there was always other people to mess around with. 

 **Xx_TwilightRose_xX:** **Sorry I can't, I have to go gouge my eyes out with a spoon. Bye.**

     For some inexplicable reason, when he saw those words, Clyde's heart sank. He was aware of how annoying and obnoxious he could be, but that didn't mean he liked being so blatantly rejected. Which was strange, because whenever someone had denied his advances, he would just shrug it off and move on. This was different. But why? He began to tap out another response, but then suddenly, the timer for the oven went off. Clyde groaned. Was it already half an hour? As tempting as it was to keep talking to TwilightRose, if he burned the batch of lemon bars, Tweek would probably kill him. Besides, the little icon next to Twilight's avatar had turned grey. He clearly wasn't in the mood to continue conversing. Making sure to protect his hands with some oven mitts, Clyde took the lemon bars out of the oven. They were slightly wobbly in the centre, but they would firm up as they cooled. That's what they usually did.

     But sometimes, things didn't do what they usually did. Routines were routines for a reason- they didn't exist to be broken. For example, just before Clyde went to sleep, he would watch porn and jack off. He would watch some busty babe with perky nipples squeeze and squirm, making all sorts of wonderful noises. Other times, he would watch some guy suck another guy's cock. Clyde didn't really pay attention to the act per se, rather, he liked to focus on the faces the subjects made. There was something beautifully raw abut how vulnerable the men looked like at the point of climax. Clyde often wondered what Craig would look like with his dick in his mouth. Would he be as stoic as ever? Or maybe he would just come apart, begging for more, judgement clouded by lust. 

     That's what Clyde usually did.

     But on this night, he didn't do any of that. Instead, he dreamt. He dreamt of a beautiful woman that looked almost mystical, with long brown hair and angel wings. He dreamt that this woman was talking to him. She said, "What about my beautiful?" And this is where the dream got weird, because the woman didn't have a feminine voice. It wasn't soft and pleasing to the ear. It was ruggedly masculine. A nasally croak. A painfully familiar monotone. And it felt wrong, because the last time Clyde heard this voice was four years ago. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's me again, back with another update. Honestly, it's surprising how quickly this came- I've never updated a fic this soon. But once I started typing, I just couldn't stop, and so, there we have it. A new chapter! That being said, updates will probably be a bit slower as I try and figure out where I'm gonna take this fic lol 
> 
> By the way, I'm thinking of a cyclical POV, so while the main focuses are on Craig and Clyde, Tweek will be featured heavily in the next chapter.
> 
> As always, let me know what you all are thinking. Thanks for the warm reception and feedback so far, your comments really make my day! Please let me know if there are any major issues or worries regarding characterisation, or anything else you wish to bring up. Thanks again!


	3. Replay

     Tweek Tweak didn’t like to lie. It was too much pressure for the blonde. How could anyone expect him to keep their secrets and not blather about it to everyone should he be confronted? Yes, although there was this thing called trust, Tweek often felt like he didn’t deserve it. Or rather, he didn’t want it. He didn’t want people to share their burdens with him. As selfish as it was, he had enough problems of his own, and carrying the weight of other people’s troubles would only slow him down. So one day, when Craig Tucker had randomly called the blonde out of the blue, Tweek was accordingly despondent. He didn’t want to have any part in enacting the raven’s schemes. Not that Craig was a vindictive person by nature, but surely, he had something up his sleeve. Why else would he have contacted Tweek when he had basically abandoned South Park?

     It would have been all too easy to just ignore the Craig’s request for help. Tweek could have hung up on the raven mid-sentence and just left it at that. He had no real obligation to Craig. But for some reason, he couldn’t. The way Craig spoke was simply captivating. Tweek didn't like the plan, but he couldn't find it in himself to decline. In hindsight, Tweek probably shouldn’t have agreed to blatantly lie to all his friends about Craig’s whereabouts, but he felt like he owed it to him. Maybe it was because they were riding on the coat tails of a friendship long gone by.

     This is how the plan went.

* * *

 

     "Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse, what can I get for you?" Tweek politely began, tucking the telephone into the crook of his shoulder. His experienced hands operated the coffee machine, pulling the espresso shots. He let out a small smile when he saw the crema had formed perfectly, the golden lid contrasting with the rich dark brown of the espresso. Although he had worked in the cafe since he was a child, it wasn't until recently that he actually started enjoying his job. Being locked up in the backroom, sampling various blends to the point where he had entered this caffeine induced transcendence wasn't the most helpful for a developing child.

     "Yeah, can I get a large soy white hot chocolate with a shot of espresso in it?" a masculine voice replied. Tweek knit his eyebrows in apprehension.

     For one, a hot chocolate with an espresso shot in it was practically a mocha. The second thing was that hardly anyone ordered their white hot chocolates. Tweek didn't blame them, it literally tasted like sugary milk. Thirdly, soy was a pain to froth. Due to its lack of fat content, there was no foamy goodness. Instead, it tended to dissipate into this sad little film. But the most damning thing was the voice. It was deep and nasally, almost a monotone. It sounded painfully familiar. Flashes of a black haired boy in a chullo hat appeared in Tweek's mind. Tweek shook his head. It couldn't have been. Craig didn't exist in South Park anymore.

    "Of course. Was that all for today?" Tweek continued. Despite the customer's strange order, he forcefully smiled as he spoke. Richard Tweak had insisted that Tweek smiled as he took people's orders. He claimed that the customers could hear the smile in his voice, and 'like a ray of sunshine getting brighter and brighter', it would encourage them to view their products in a more positive light.

     "No." the voice bluntly stated. He didn't say anything else. Tweek internally groaned. Building up a database from all his years of working in the hospitality industry, he could recognise the typical archetypes. There were the nice ones, who were often identified by their unapologetic 'keep the change'. They were flat whites with two sugars. Unfortunately, they were rather rare. The worst ones were the soccer moms. Tweek wanted to scream whenever they showed up and demanded their _venti double shot caramel lattes on ice or whatever the fuck, because goddammit Susan, Tweek Bros. isn't fucking Harbucks and nobody gives a shit about your child's oh so profound piano playing._

Well, at least the voice didn't sound like a soccer mom. But Tweek remained on his guard because there was no telling what was on the other end of the line. Football dads weren't as bad, but it also meant that he had to feign interest in some team that he didn't really care about. "How else may I help you?" Tweek offered. 

     "I need some advice." the voice answered. Tweek waited for the man to elaborate. He didn't. 

     "With what?" Tweek added, hoping the man would take the hint. The blonde had a sneaking suspicion that this was just some stupid prank. He couldn't afford to be wasting precious time talking to some random stranger. He had work to do, even if the store was empty.

     "What do you do when you've betrayed the trust of someone who deeply cares about you?"

     Tweek lowered his voice, breath hitching. What was this guy doing? Tweek wasn't a qualified therapist or anything. For Tweek, socialising with the customers meant listening to their stories, nodding and smiling appropriately. It did not involve counselling a guy who sounded like his ex-boyfriend over the phone. "Oh jeez, I don't know if we should talk about this here... I'm not the best guy to turn about this kinda stuff, y'know?" 

     The voice was silent for a bit. "But Tweeky, I need your help. You're the only one I can trust."

     Tweek screamed. "Agh!! Who the fuck is this?!"

     "Guess. You already know, don't you?" the voice said in a terse manner. It was right, Tweek did know who it was. There was only one person who had ever called him Tweeky.  

     "Dammit Craig! What the hell are you doing?" Tweek exclaimed. His heart started beating rapidly. 

     "I'm ordering a coffee." Craig replied in his iconic nasally tone. However, it was more raspy than Tweek had remembered. Tweek frowned. Did Craig pick up smoking or something?

     Tweek instinctively replied, his subconscious desire to correct people about their coffee terminology overriding any rational thought. "Actually, it's a soy white hot chocolate with a shot of espresso in it." 

     "Whatever. Same thing." Craig said, unamused.

     "Oh for fuck's sake, what do you want from me?! You don't just call out of the blue like that. Where have you been? It's been three years. I thought you had died!" Tweek demanded.

     "I know. And I'm sorry." Craig said, but he didn't sound very sorry. 

     "Don't be sorry. Answer the question!" The fake customer smile was long gone now. 

     "Listen Tweek, I can't tell you where I actually am or what I'm doing. But I'm okay if that makes you feel any better."

     "Sure Craig, that makes me feel sooooo relieved. You know, just randomly disappear on us for three years without telling anyone, I mean, because why the hell not? It's okay, I totally understand." Tweek said sarcastically. 

     "Tweek..." Craig murmured. 

     "No, don't fucking 'Tweek...' me. What the hell is your problem?!" Tweek cried.

     Craig bluntly stated, "Tweek, I'm not going to have a fucking argument over the phone." 

     "Jesus Christ! What did you expect? Do you really think you could just order a coffee like it's nothing?"

     "God, if you're going to make such a big deal out of it then it's fine. Forget I said anything. Bye." Craig said. Tweek was fuming. As if he would allow Craig to escape so easily. 

     "Don't you fucking dare Craig Tucker. I don't like that passive aggressive tone of yours." Craig Tucker was many things. Tweek didn't want one of those things to be passive aggressive. 

     "What are you, my mom? If you would actually let me finish, I can explain." Craig complained. He really was acting like a little kid.

     "Explain what? You just said you can't tell me anything."

     "Shut it Tweek. Anyway, I need you to tell everyone that I've been studying astrophysics at Boulder University."

     "Uh huh. And why would I do this? And why me, of all people? Can't you get Clyde or someone to do this?" Tweek spat accusingly. This rendered Craig silent. He had thought extensively about the plan, but he had never actually considered to stop and think about his course of action should Tweek have refused. But for some reason, he knew the blonde wouldn't. 

     Craig spoke in a solemn voice. "I'll be honest with you Tweek, you have no real reason to help me here. But I don't think you have it in you to say no. If you really didn't want to do this, you would have already hung up. You didn't have to engage me in this meaningless banter. And Clyde... well, he's the reason why I'm doing this."

     Tweek sighed. Craig was right. Tweek did want to help him. Then the blonde registered the last part of Craig's sentence. "Wait, what about Clyde?" Tweek asked, almost to himself rather than Craig. Clyde Donovan was Craig's best friend. They shared a bond that was a bit different to what Tweek and Craig shared. Through the couple's time together, Craig had learned how to become less of a stick in the mud, and generally more receptive to people. On the flip side, Tweek had learned to become more rational and calm. The two were almost polar opposites, yet they stuck together like glue. Tweek often wondered what Craig learned from Clyde and vice versa.

     Craig's voice interrupted Tweek's train of thought. "You know what happened all those years ago. The night after graduation, remember?"

     Tweek cast his mind back to the night. He couldn't remember much, but he did remember copious amounts of alcohol, Clyde crying, and overcooked chicken tenders in a microwave. The party was hosted at Token's house. Tweek had decided to attend, given that it would have been his first and last high school party ever. However, that night, he didn't drink, he didn't start unnecessary drama, he didn't make out with someone in closet, which, in a way, was slightly disappointing. Tweek had all these grand expectations and none of them were met. A small sip of beer had his throat burning. It was almost as if the blonde was allergic to alcohol. He just stood there while he watched everyone else enjoyed themselves. He would have asked Craig to take him home, but Craig was far too intoxicated, and Tweek didn't want to ruin his night. Thankfully, Wendy had rescued him and offered him a lift home. Tweek was relieved when he saw that she was able to drive. Even though it was quite early in the night, she had enough of Stan sticking his tongue down Kyle's throat. 

Then he vaguely remembered the other thing. Granted, it was only a rumour, but still, rumours had to have come from somewhere. "Oh. I see where this is going. Were you so ashamed of being fucked by Clyde that the only possible solution was to just run away from South Park?"

     Craig groaned. "For the last time, that's not what happened!"

     "Then what  _did_ happen, huh?" Tweek asked. He must have sounded irritated, but he was genuinely curious about what happened that night. 

     "I don't remember. Seriously dude. We were shitfaced as fuck. All I know is that I woke up in his bed. I don't know if we fucked or anything, but I highly doubt it. I'm pretty sure he's straight, and he isn't the type to take advantage of someone in a compromised position. I don't think he remembers it either." Craig confessed. 

     The blonde blinked. The conviction in Craig's voice led him to believe that he was telling the truth. Or at least, the truth that he knew. 

     Tweek's voice softened. "Alright man, I believe you." He couldn't blame Craig for something he didn't remember. Even if he was lying, there had to be a reason for hiding the truth. "But I don't know, I really think you should tell everyone about where you've been, what you've been doing. What's the point of keeping it all a secret?" 

     Craig was silent. "I... can't tell you. Not yet." 

     Tweek wanted to protest this further, but something in Tweek's heart told him to stop. "Okay." he said. He couldn't trust himself to say any more without further belittling Craig.  

     "Thanks. Really. I mean it." Craig breathed out.

     Tweek smiled, and it wasn't his customer service smile. "No worries man." He then realised how long he had spent on the phone- he wasn't being paid to just chit chat. There was work to be done. "Listen, I should get going soon. Do you still want your coffee or...?"

     "Oh, right. Give it to Clyde when he comes in to deliver the lemon bars." Craig said.

     "How do you know about that...?" Tweek asked, apprehension in his voice. Then he shook his head. He supposed it didn't really matter how Craig knew. "Never mind that. I'll call you when I'm off work. And don't think you can just ignore me! You have a  _lot_ to explain. See ya." Tweek said, ending the call. He let out a deep sigh. Craig probably had more to say, but Tweek suddenly felt exhausted from their interaction. Craig could be so intense at times. 

     Tweek turned his attention back to the coffeehouse. There was a speck of dust in the corner of the room. Not a single customer had entered during his exchange with Craig, which was a relief. Tweek pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly checked the time. 11:45AM. Clyde usually arrived at 12 to deliver his lemon bars. Tweek groaned. It was too early to make Clyde's 'coffee', but he had nothing else to occupy his time. The blonde headed into the store room and retrieved a broom. He swept the corner of the room. Then he swept it again, unsatisfied by how the dust seemed to perpetually linger there. 

     Approximately 20 minutes later, Clyde entered Tweek Bros. carrying a large tray of lemon bars. He greeted Tweek with a cheerful, 'Hey Tweek, how's it going?', but was confused when he received no response. Clyde glanced at Tweek. He was staring intently at the corner of the room. "Hello, Earth to Tweek?" Clyde waved a hand in front of Tweek's face.

     Tweek was still staring at the corner of the room. His voice was low. "Do you know what a metaphor is, Clyde?"

     Clyde's mouth was slightly agape. The question was so random it was a bit concerning. "Yes...? Tweek, are you okay?"

     "I'm fine. I feel like this dust is a metaphor for something. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get rid of it. It's like the more I sweep, the more dusty it gets." Tweek said. 

     Clyde bit his lip. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Right. Um, I'll just leave these here."

     Tweek grabbed the tray of lemon bars off of the brunette, abandoning the broom. He fished out Clyde's payment from the till. "Here you go." Tweek said. He then handed the coffee Craig had ordered for him. "Take this, it's on the house."

     Clyde smiled. "Thanks dude!" He took a sip of the drink, and then consequently frowned. "What is this? You know I don't really like coffee that much. I'm more of a tea guy."

     "I know dude." Tweek was stony faced. "Don't ask me, ask Craig." Tweek said. 

     Upon hearing that name, the atmosphere had dramatically changed. Clyde was uncharacteristically silent for once. He had this indiscernible expression on his face. His honey brown eyes were glazed over, almost as if he was about to start crying. Tweek continued. "Listen, I need to tell you something..."

* * *

 

     Over a year had passed since that fateful day, and all this time, Tweek continued to feed Craig's lies about his whereabouts. Tweek felt horrible for doing so, but he didn't really have a choice. Subconsciously, he wanted to protect Craig. He believed that the noirette would reveal himself in time, when he was ready to. But that didn't mean he could completely forgive Craig for his actions. Later that day, Tweek called Craig, and surprisingly, he picked up. They talked. They talked for a long time, into the early hours of morning. Where most of the townspeople heard the story that Craig was following his passion for space at Boulder University, Tweek heard a different story. He also learned about how Craig had practically abandoned his friendship with Clyde. Clyde would send all these messages about his life, about what was going on, and Craig would read them but not respond. Tweek wanted to feel angry at this, but to be fair, it was natural that this would eventually happen.

     It was a day like any other when all hell broke loose. Fresh snow dusted the quiet little mountain town, coating it in a blanket of white. The days were getting colder, and consequently, business at Tweek Bros. began to pick up. Tweek was just doing his usual duties, when he noticed a certain noirette walk in. Tweek's eyes widened as he let out  a small gasp.There was no mistaking it. It was the one and only Craig Tucker. Although he had abandoned his iconic chullo hat and blue coat, the familiar black bangs and cold blue eyes were uniquely him. After having been missing for four years, Craig was back in South Park. 

     But that wasn't the only shocking revelation on that day. After exchanging pleasantries and making small talk, Tweek had remarked, "Remember last year when you called me and ordered that white mocha for Clyde? Turns out he's a tea guy." And that's when everything went wrong. That's when everything Tweek thought he knew turned upside down. Maybe it was karma, maybe it was a cruel joke from the gods above, maybe it was some strange unprecedented illness, but whatever it was, Tweek didn't want to believe it. It was too perfect, too convenient. Like something you would have expected from a soap opera. But it was real.

     "I don't know who Clyde is." 

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back with another update :)
> 
> To be honest, I didn't really like this chapter that much. For one, I'm terrible when it comes to pacing and overall story structure, so this might seem like a forced mess of expository dialogue. I apologise for that. It's one of my weaker points when it comes to writing. I know to 'show, don't tell', but I can't help myself. But enough of that. As a side note, the little twist at the end might be a bit cheap, but I promise it'll be explained in due time. The 'Strangers to Lovers' tag isn't just referring to the online relationship aha. Thanks for reading!


	4. Respite

     “Mr Tucker, I must remind you that the use of coarse language when dealing with our clients is unacceptable, m’kay? I know that certain expletives demonstrate a level of sympathy but that- that’s not good. And neither is encouraging physical violence, m’kay?” Mr Mackey lectured.

     Craig rolled his eyes at the nearly 60-year-old counsellor. The noirette was surprised that Mr Mackey still worked at South Park Elementary and High School. He himself had left at the sight of the first possible escape. Then again, Craig was glad for the counsellor’s presence. Whenever South Park’s typical bullshit struck, such as all the eighth graders suddenly contracting gonorrhoea due to a vengeful god’s will, someone had to be relatively calm and composed to provide comfort for the students. Craig didn’t know anyone else better than Mr Mackey himself. However, it was annoying the way Mr Mackey treated Craig as if he was still 10 years old. They were both adults and Craig expected to be treated as such. Sure, he still had that rebellious spitfire inside of him, but at least he learned how to tame it. Well, most of the time.

     “Yeah, yeah, I got it. Sorry. It won’t happen again.” Craig muttered. He couldn’t help but to add on a little quip. “But honestly, that bitch deserved the knuckle sandwich Tricia delivered. I’m almost proud.” Earlier, Tricia had been involved into an ‘altercation’. No matter how it was phrased, a fight was still a fight. It arose from a simple misunderstanding. According to Maria or whatever her name was (Craig didn't quite care to remember), Tricia was trying to steal Ike Broflovski away from her. The two had been paired up for a science project, and Maria demanded that Tricia exchange partners. When Tricia refused, the claws came out. She was left with quite a noticeable red imprint on her cheek. Being the Tucker she was, Tricia aptly responded by punching Maria square in the face. Craig almost laughed at this, but the bloodied nose and tear streaks forced him to show some degree of concern. 

     “Craig.” Mr Mackey warned. “I know you’re new here, and this is your first day, but we cannot have you telling your sister to go ‘fuck her up’. If this unprofessional behaviour is not rectified, there will severe disciplinary consequences.” the counsellor said firmly. Craig raised an eyebrow at this. What, was he going to be put into detention? Mr Mackey continued. "Do you understand? The faculty could revoke your practical internship, m'kay."

     "Yes, I understand." Craig said. 

     "I'm glad we're on the same page, m'kay. Um, well, that's it for today. I can't say that I entirely approve of your methods, but it is clear that the students respect you and feel comfortable talking to you. Good work. After you're done wrapping up this paperwork, you can go home, m'kay." Mr Mackey said with a small smile, collecting his belongings as he turned to leave. Craig nodded, turning back to face the ever growing stack of papers. He flipped off the mountainous pile and set off on his arduous task. 

     As he signed off the various papers, snickering to himself at some of the student's names, Craig let his mind wander. The first day working at his new job was interesting to say the least. Some of the issues that the students went to him for seemed pretty trivial, but Craig couldn't blame them. He could remember being a 12 year old boy, suffering through the hell that was puberty. Craig didn't actually mind it at all. He appreciated being able to provide sound advice for the children's problems as they shared their sorrows. Then again, that's what he told himself to prevent him from lingering on the fact that he could have potentially spent thousands on college tuition all for nothing. 

     Nobody expected that Craig Tucker was interested in psychology or counselling. His stoic demeanour and icy blue eyes were enough to scare anyone off. Interacting with children seemed out of the question. Many assumed he would enter the field of astronomy or physical science. But what people didn't know was that behind the walls of apathy he put up, there was a kind and compassionate young man. Someone had helped him realise this. Craig frowned at the thought. He couldn't exactly remember who it was that suggested that he become a therapist. 

     Ever since he left South Park, there was something wrong with his brain. Craig couldn't come up with a logical explanation for it. The doctors had said it was just his mind repressing the emotional trauma that he had experienced, but something didn't quite add up. If that was the case, why was it only once a year, on the 16th of February, that he forgot who Clyde Donovan was? Why him specifically? Craig could recall almost every aspect of his life with clarity, but where Clyde was involved, it was like there was nothing there. All he could remember was a black silhouette filling in the role of his alleged 'best friend'. As the days went on by, the shadowy outline in his dreams and memories slowly formed a person. But this person wasn't Clyde. This person was an artificial combination of photos posted on social media and messages sent at 2am. It was Clyde, but at the same time,  _not_ Clyde. And that's when Craig started ignoring him. Clyde wasn't Craig's best friend anymore. Clyde couldn't have been. He was a stranger.

* * *

      It was a day like any other when it first happened. An obnoxiously cheerful alarm sounded. Pinkish light spilled out of the windows and into Craig's dingy dorm room. Beside him, his roommate, Thomas, was snoring gently. Craig groaned. He regret choosing morning classes. He had thought it would be at least somewhat manageable, but waking up at the break of dawn was really exhausting. Rubbing his eyes, he fumbled his way around to silence the cursed noise. As tempting as it was to push the snooze button on his phone and go back to bed, Craig knew he had to get up one way or another. Might as well just get it done and over with, he told himself. Suddenly, he noticed something odd on his phone's home screen. There was a chat bubble in the top right, the profile picture depicting a young man that Craig had never seen before. He was more of a teenager than a man, with his boyish hazelnut bangs hanging over his twinkling honey brown eyes. There was a shit eating grin on his face. He was kind of attractive in a jockish sort of way, but that wasn't the issue here. Craig had no idea who the fuck this was. Hesitantly, he opened the chat log. 

 **Big** **D:** _and then i was like, i'm da man and ur not!! hahahahaha_

Craig stared at the message, letting it burn itself into his retinas. What kind of nickname was 'Big D', and why the hell did it belong to this guy called Clyde Donovan? And why the fuck had Craig replied?

 **Creg Fucker:** _Wow, what are you, twelve years old?_

 **Big D:** _hey it's good to be a bit cheeky!! girls dig that kinda stuff. and besides, what 12 year old could score that hot piece of ass like i did last night lmao_

 **Creg Fucker:** _Ugh. I'm just going to tell you now, I don't care if she had the best rack ever. Also, I'm pretty sure most girls don't have an annoying little brother kink. That would be fucked up._

 **Big D:** _j_ _eez. what's up ur ass?  i thought you would be more of a top ;)_

 **Creg Fucker:**   _I AM._

 **Big D:**   _wait wat. u got laid?? NICE!! How was it?_

 **Creg Fucker:** _No, that's not what I meant. Like, metaphorically speaking. Taking a dick up the ass is disgusting. It'd probably hurt like hell_

 **Big D:**   _oh, and shoving ur cock up some other guy's butthole is any better? but i cant believe u just betrayed my trust like that. i felt so proud smh. u just had to get my hopes up, didn't you :(_

 **Creg Fucker:** _You literally sound like the most white straight guy ever. I'm soooooo sorry. Why do you care so much, anyway?_

 **Big D:** _idk lol. it's just that this is so exciting! i can't wait for you to lose your v plates_

 **Creg Fucker:** _Please don't ever say v plates again._

 **Big D:** _virginity. better?_

 **Creg Fucker:** _I guess._

 **Big D:** _yeah so like, when it happens, you better tell me all all about it!!_

 **Creg Fucker:** _Why do I feel like the Designated Gay Best Friend._

 **Big D:** _because you are uwu_

 **Big D:** _but wait, what if you never get laid..._

 **Creg Fucker:** _God I_ _fucking hope so_

 **Big D:** _NO_

 **Creg Fucker:** _If_   _it s_ _aves me from this torture..._

 **Big D:** _NOOOOOOOOOOOO_

 **Big D:** _hey dude. if you ever find yourself back in south park and u still havent been laid, i'd be totally down to let you fuck me ;)_

 **Creg Fucker:** _Wtf_

 **Big D:** _just think of it as a favour between besties!! :D_

 **Creg Fucker:** _that's fucking gay_

 **Big D:** _ur gay_

 **Creg Fucker:** _yes_

 **Big D:** _yes_

 **Creg Fucker:** _I'm surprised you would risk your oh so mighty masculinity just to bottom for me._

 **Big D:** _Anything for you, Craig <3_

 **Creg Fucker:** _I thought you were straight._

 **Big D:** _bi. but im confident enough in my sexuality to know that fooling around with my best friend doesn't define who i am._

 **Creg Fucker:** _W_ _ow. That almost sounded smart._

 **Big D:** _thanks! i try my best :)_

 **Big D:** _it'll be just like the time we jacked off together, but you know, better_

 **Creg Fucker:** _Oh my fucking god don't remind me._

 **Big D:** _hahahaha_

 **Big D:** _I am serious, though. I won't lie- I have thought about doing these kinda things with you._

 **Creg Fucker:** _dude are you fr_

 **Creg Fucker:** _uhh thanks??_

 **Creg Fucker:** _why am i still talking to you about this. how am i supposed to respond to something like that. why tho_

 **Creg Fucker:** _are you high or something_

 **Big D:**   _I wish I could say that I was. But no, I'm not._

 **Creg Fucker:** _aaaaaaa what the FUCK_ _  
_

**Creg Fucker:** _also what's with the proper punctuation and shit  
_

**Big D:** _I'm trying to convey the seriousness of this situation._

 **Creg Fucker:** _oh wow._ _  
_

**Creg Fucker:** _would you look at the time? it's getting late. im suddenly feeling very tired_

 **Creg Fucker:** _whoa im so tired i cant even type properly_

 **Creg Fucker:** _ttyl! gn clyde_

 **Big D:**   _night craig :)_

Craig felt numb. He couldn't believe what he was reading. As he scrolled through the messages, an icy fire seized his body. He wasn't feeling anything in particular, rather, he felt empty. Like he had lost something important to him. But how could he have felt loss when he didn't even remember what it was he lost? And that was the worst part. There was no way of knowing exactly what it was he lost. Craig tried feeling sad. Sadness didn't come. Then he tried feeling angry. The familiar white hot blaze didn't come to dispel the darkness that was eating away at his soul. The void within threatened to consume his very being. 

     Scrolling through the endless messages and looking up Clyde on social media didn't help. It only served to alienate the noirette even further. The Craig in these messages, the Craig bantering with his best friend, the Craig liking the brunette's photos- they weren't Craig. They were someone else. Craig didn't know who this other Craig was, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. It was clear that Craig and Clyde were friends. Or maybe there were something more than that. Clyde must have been something special to Craig, because there was no way Craig would tolerate such bullshit from anybody else. There was no denying that they shared a strong bond. But not even the strongest of bonds could stand up against the power of amnesia.

     It hurt, not knowing what the truth was. What hurt even more was that there was no possible way to even discern the truth. The truth meant jack shit. Clyde could have told Craig that they were dating, and Craig would believe him, none the wiser. They could have been worst enemies. They could have been anything and everything. It could have been the start of something new. It could have been the start of something fresh and exciting. It wasn't every day you got the chance to fall in love with your best friend all over again, even if it was platonic love. 

     But Craig was a coward. He was pragmatic and smart, but still a coward. He didn't dare to take this chance. He didn't want to be emotionally invested in something he didn't have any control over. All nuances of logic were thrown out of the window. Tweek was right, love didn't follow a plan. The heart wants what it wants. He didn't want to fall down the scary hole that was love and struggle trying to climbing out. Craig wasn't prepared to accept such a commitment. He considered faking his friendship with this Clyde, but he knew that it would only hurt them both in the long run. Two people trying to emulate the ghost of a friendship that had long passed on. Craig also considered revealing the truth. But something in his heart told him not to. Maybe he was being melodramatic, but Craig felt like the revelation would have broken Clyde. In some ways, being forgotten was a fate worse than death. At least in death, one could live on in other people's memories. Clyde didn't even have that luxury.

     The best thing to do would be to just ignore the brunette. 

     And Craig was right. In another alternate universe, where Craig was strong and lionhearted enough to accept the love he thought he deserved, to reveal the truth, he would have been blessed with the joys of falling in love all over again. It would have been some of the best days of his life. He would have received kind and soulful messages from his best friend and lover. Sure, it would have been hard at the beginning, but they were young and immature, and the world was their oyster. They could have done anything as long as they were together. 

     But come February 16, all of it would have been gone in a flash. Like it never even happened. On that day, Craig would wake up, check his phone, and notice a chat bubble belonging to someone he didn't recognise. He would read the messages, and the wound in his heart that was slowly being mended by Clyde's compassion would reopen. The pain would be unbearable. The icy fire would come back, burning stronger than ever before. In his dreams and memories, kind warm brown honey eyes would revert back to soulless black orbs. Everything would fade away, until not even the silhouette would remain. But Clyde, being as determined as he was, would try to find a way to solve this. He would double down on his efforts to get Craig to remember. But it was useless. Because as soon as they would reach out for a glimmer of hope, February 16 would roll round, ripping everything away from them. Each and every time it happened, they were left in a despair so deep and damaging. It would come to a point where they wished they still felt despair, because at least that meant that there was a hope to despair for. There was only so many times one could try and try again, before finally giving up. 

     Fortunately (or unfortunately), this was not that alternative universe. This was a world where Craig believed that as long as he did not experience the highs of falling in love with Clyde, he wouldn't have to experience its lows. Everything would be nice and boring, just the way he liked it. There was nothing to gain but nothing to lose. And yes, although Clyde would be hurt, he would move on. Everyone did, eventually. They would forget about each other in a natural sort of way. And maybe then, this god forsaken  _curse_ would be lifted. Maybe in the distant future, Craig would come back to South Park and counsel Clyde's children, and they would initiate a healthy and professional acquaintanceship. If Clyde was still there. 

     Maybe, maybe, maybe. It was the best Craig could hope for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hello! back again with another update lol
> 
> I posted this so soon because next week, I've got quite a lot on my plate so I'm not sure if I'll have time to write. The next update might be a bit slower than usual. Sorry if it seems quite fillerish/disjointed, or if there's huge technical errors. It's nearly 1am for me and I'm on the brink of passing out :')
> 
> Again, thanks for your continued support! I really appreciate every little comment I receive, honestly. Let me know your thoughts below. Until next time, :)


	5. Refresh

     "So why'd you do it?" Craig asked, training his eyes on the road ahead of him. In the passenger seat besides him, Tricia tapped away on her phone. As someone who was now working in the field of education, it was as if there was this moral obligation to personally take things into his own hands. Or maybe that was the big brother in Craig talking, but at least he wielded some semblance of authority. 

     "I dunno," Tricia replied, her eyes glued to her phone.

     Craig rolled his eyes at the curt response. The phrase, ‘I don’t know’ and its variants was starting to become the bane of his existence. His whole life was made up of many 'I don't knows', Clyde Donovan being one of them. It was all too easy to just use it as an escape, to deflect any possible attempt at communication. That being said, Craig couldn’t blame his little sister. She was at the stage of her life where she must have felt like everything and everyone was trying to wrestle away the little fragments of freedom that she had. At least, that’s what Freud had told Craig in his studies. 

     Craig sighed. "Obviously you do. You do realise that you can't go around beating people up, yeah? So why didn't you just agree to swap partners with her?"

     "Hey, Maria totally deserved it! She slapped me first!" Tricia protested.

      "That still doesn't make it okay to actually punch her back. Couldn't you have, y'know..." Craig began, but trailed off, not quite sure of what to say. His little sister wasn't necessarily wrong there. If he was in her situation, there was no doubting he would have done the same thing. Then again, it was that kind of attitude that had earned him the reputation he had in school- he was the cruel bully who beat up little kids for their lunch money-which he didn't, but Craig didn't really give a fuck about what people thought of him. "Compromised?" Craig finished, the lack of conviction in his voice forsaking any argument he had constructed. Still, as a counsellor, he could at least say that he had tried to discourage Tricia's violent tendencies.

     "Whatever." Tricia said, flipping Craig off. Craig instinctively flipped her off back. It was almost as if giving the bird and the physical violence that ran in the Tucker family was hereditary. Maybe there was a certain gene that coded for how rude they were to each other. Of course, there was no real evidence to support this claim, but Craig liked to think about it at times. Then he could justify being a prick to his little sister, which in a way, was his method of showering her with love and affection. 

     The two continued to drive in comfortable silence. Suddenly, Craig saw a little boy run across the road in front of him. Emily groaned in protest, croaking, as Craig slammed on the brakes a bit too hard. He cursed under his breath. Damn kids. If there was anything Craig loved more than guinea pigs and outer space, it was his pickup truck. Emily was an old and weary little thing, but she had seen the noirette through on multiple occasions. The car was passed down onto Craig as a gift for his 16th birthday. It was on the brink of breaking down, but after endless services, changes, and replacements, it was reborn as Craig’s beloved Emily. A song began to play on the radio. It was tinny and hard to hear, but Craig could make out the lyrics.

  _Let’s say sunshine for everyone_

_But as far as I can remember,_

     The guitar rift was slow and melodic, accompanied by an electronic sounding wave. It was pleasant. But also incredibly generic. Yet, there was something about the song that was captivating. Craig couldn’t bring himself to change the station. It evoked something within him. It wasn’t quite like sadness, but more like a sombre determination. A poignant reminder of something that was once there but had now faded away. Craig didn't like listening to sad songs, but he had to admit, the vocals were rather soothing. It was melancholy, but that wasn't always a bad thing. Sometimes, it was worth having something to feel sad for. 

_We’ve been migratory animals_

_Living under changing weather_

     The lyrics reminded Craig of something. Everything moved on. Everything changed. And for the noirette, change was scary. He wanted things to be nice and boring, just the way he liked it. It was hard to accept the fact that the South Park Craig once knew was now gone. Physically, it was still all the same, but it was almost as if there was a different type of atmosphere in the town. It was a heavy fog, clouding the truth from a pair of piercing blue eyes searching for it. As he drove along the streets like he once did four years ago, there was a strange feeling of isolation welling up inside him. Like he didn’t belong here in his hometown.

     Craig glanced out the window and swallowed audibly. Where was all this coming from? It wasn’t like him to be so introspective. Then again, ever since he had come back to the quiet little mountain town, he had been doing a lot of thinking. He thought about the course of life and where it would take him. He thought about his dad, still obsessed with building up his yaoi collection which had now expanded to ships such as 'Style' and 'Bunny', convinced it would eventually be worth millions to the right buyer. He thought about Tweek, and the way the blonde reacted when Craig confessed that he had forgotten who Clyde was. 

     Not even the familiar white blankets of snow, nor the picket fences Craig grew up with could reassure him that this was how it was meant to be. But maybe the idea of things that were 'meant to be' was complete and utter bullshit.

_Someday, we will foresee obstacles_

_Through the blizzard, through the blizzard_

     Craig sure as hell hoped that he could 'foresee obstacles through the blizzard'. God knows he needed the closure, or at least, something close to it. His life was just one big blizzard, flurries of snow obscuring what was important to him. And for what? Why did it seem like it was fate's personal mission to fuck his life over? He didn't ask for any of this. He didn't ask to just randomly forget his best friend. If he had the luxury of his life being this song, Craig wished that this 'someday' would come very quickly.

_Today we will sell our uniform_

_Live together, live together_

     Tricia's voice broke through the self-reflective haze. "And besides, Ike is like, the smartest kid in class. There's no way I'm passing up on a free pass! Plus, he's kinda cute." Tricia added. 

     Craig sighed. "The idea of a group assignment is that you all contribute together to complete the task or whatever. It doesn't matter if he's fucking Albert Einstein, you can't just write your name on the top and leave it at that." the noirette admonished. It was probably all very obvious to Tricia, but he felt like saying it anyway. "And you think he's cute? Seriously?"

     "Yeah, yeah, I know. I guess he's cute like a little brother. I wouldn't want to go out with him or anything." 

     "I'm sure he's not that bad. Hey, if you two get married and he becomes a famous doctor or something, you wouldn't have to work a day in your life." 

     "Ew. As much as I would love to marry rich, if it meant I would just sit on my ass all day looking after our stupid spawn, then no thanks." Tricia said. She laughed self deprecatingly. "Nobody would want to marry me anyway." Tricia muttered, with a dark expression on her face. 

_We played hide and seek in waterfalls_

_We were younger, we were younger_

     Craig shook his head. "That's not true. I'm sure you'll find the one, someday. You just need to be patient." Craig consoled, albeit rather weakly. To be honest, it was incredibly cliched advice that didn't really mean anything. What did 'the one' even mean? How did you know who it was? When was that someday? There were so many questions that could not be resolved by such trite words. 

     "Of course." Tricia said sarcastically. She then added a quiet, 'Thanks, though.' Craig smiled to himself. At least she understood what he was trying to get at. Even though Craig wasn't the most eloquent person out there, sometimes, it wasn't the words themselves that mattered, but the meanings and intent behind them. "Well, what about you? Have you found this magical, 'the one'?" Tricia asked, her tone laced with a mischievous curiosity.

     "Fuck no. I'm not sure if I even want to. Honestly, I don't feel anything for anyone. I'm starting to think I'm asexual or something." Craig confessed. He then grimaced at how open and honest he was being. Tricia didn't need this emotional leverage over him. This stupid song was making him 'deep', for lack of a better term.

     "Aww, don't worry. You're not broken or anything." Tricia said. Craig glared at her. "What? I'm not trying to imply that ace people are broken. Oh, but what if this is like one of those soulmate AU's?"

     "A what." Craig flatly said. 

     "You know, like in fanfiction? Alternate universe?" Tricia said, like it was the most obvious thing ever. Craig scoffed. He could never understand why people actually liked fanfiction. Sure, it was a way for people to have more content for their favourite fandoms, but still, some of the stuff out there was totally fucked up. He didn't know what 'mpreg' was, nor did he want to. He also didn't appreciate how stereotyped some of the relationships were portrayed as- Tweek and himself were major victims of this. In nearly all of the fanfics Craig had heard of, Tweek was reduced to some quivering, submissive little boy who couldn't seem to function without Craig. This couldn't be any further from the truth. During the time they were together, they didn't fit neatly in the typical 'seme' and 'uke' roles, much to the chagrin of the fangirls.

     "Oh my god, so there was this really good one I read last night!" Tricia continued, her voice bordering on the verge of a squee. "Okay, so in this one, everyone is born with a timer on their arms. The time it starts with is different for everyone. Anyway, it counts down until the day you finally find your soulmate."

     "And I care because...?"

     "Listen! Anyway, you were different. You were born with zeroes on your arms. That meant you had either already found your soulmate, which was highly unlikely, or they were dead. Or maybe you were just defective. So yeah, in this fic, you angst about how you will never find love and shit. But then! You meet this boy called Tweek who's just like you!"

     "Jesus fucking Christ."

     "So yeah, after you guys talk and stuff, the two of you eventually fall in love. Well actually, you two have no-strings-attached casual sex at first, because you think you're broken. So you entertain the idea of a purely physical relationship. But suddenly, you start developing feelings for Tweek. And presto, your timers start working again and you realize that you were each other's soulmates all along." Tricia babbled. "Isn't that so cute?"

     "It's fucking creepy, that's what it is. Don't talk about me like I'm some fictional character."

     "Jeez, no need to get your panties in a twist. Okay, so we don't have timers on our arms or whatever. But my point still stands. Maybe it's authored that you find your soulmate in some unorthodox way. Who knows, maybe you've already met them. 

     "I feel like I would know if I had already met them. But I haven't felt that magic spark in the air or whatever the fuck it is. God, I can't believe I'm still talking about this with you."

     "Then maybe you've forgotten who they are..." Tricia murmured. Craig went silent at her comment. He knew who she was talking about. When he revealed the truth about his memory loss to his sister, she was shocked beyond belief. Tricia, in an attempt to jog his memories, had talked about how close the two were, how they were practically brothers for life, but it didn't work. She still couldn't believe that someone could just randomly forget someone so important to them. It was like in of those fanfictions she read, but this wasn't mere fiction. This was real. 

     "I guess." was all Craig said.  

     Tricia, noticing the grim expression on her brother's face, decided to change the subject. "The assignment is so stupid though. We have to look after an egg. Can you believe it? And we get marks for decorating it with things that would resemble the dominant and recessive traits of the parents. I don't even know what a genotype or phenotype is. Then we have to fucking cook them to learn about how the application of heat can denature certain enzymes and proteins of an organism." Tricia scoffed.

     Craig tilted his head. "Huh. That sounds exactly like this project I did all the way back in fourth grade. We were all partnered up and we had to look after an egg for a week. That's all we had to do, just look after it and made sure it didn't break. I don't even know why. I think Mr. Garrison was trying to use it as a study. But at least your assignment is kinda sciencey?" Craig offered. 

     Tricia snorted. "Oh yeah, totally. Like I'm ever going to need to know why Jews are more likely to have Tay-Sachs disease." Tricia bluntly stated. Craig tutted. "Okay, that's mean. I can't have Ike suddenly contracting Tay-Sachs and dying on me. If he dies, then that means I'm gonna have to do all the work!" 

     "That's what you're worried about. Poor you." Craig said with a small laugh. Tricia returned it with a giggle.

_Someday, we will foresee obstacles_

_Through the blizzard, through the blizzard_

* * *

 

     "Oh welcome back honey!" Laura Tucker beamed, wrap ping her son in a tight embrace. The noirette groaned in embarrassment but accepted it nonetheless. It was a strange feeling, but Craig enjoyed it. His mother wasn't really ever one for hugs and kisses, but recently, something had changed within her. She was more physically and emotionally receptive. It was a welcome change. Craig didn't know what brought it about, but then again, seeing your little boy grow up and move away for four years probably contributed to it. After several exasperated,  _Mom!_ 's, Laura let Craig go. "How was your first day at work?" she asked.

     "It was fine." Craig simply replied. 

     Laura sighed. "Of course it was just 'fine'. You're like your father in that sense, always so straightforward. But no matter, you're not getting away from me at dinner." Laura grinned. "I want to hear all about it! I can't believe my little baby is grown all up now, and working as a counsellor too!"

     "Yeah yeah. We've already went through all the mushy shit yesterday, so can we skip that part?" Craig said. He didn't mean to sound ungrateful for his mother's company, but she could be stifling at times. Yesterday, when he moved back into the Tucker family home, she was a crying mess. 

     "Craig! Don't be so disrespectful. I'm just so happy you're back. Have you had enough time to settle in? It's only been your second day here, after all. Oh, but I bet it must have felt so nostalgic to walk around in the hallways of your old high school. I know it's only been four years since you left, but look how everything's changed!" Laura said.

     "Mom," Craig groaned.

     "Okay, okay. I'll leave you alone now. You can go up to your room. Dinner will be ready in a bit." Laura said, talking to her son as if he was still a ten-year-old boy. Craig nodded and headed upstairs. Before he left, Laura called out to her son. "By the way, there was a letter for you. I put it on your desk. It's from... Clyde." Laura said quietly. Craig cast his gaze downward and exhaled heavily. It was unfair of Clyde to keep doing this to him. Craig was intentionally ignoring him for a reason. Did he not pick up on the message? If Craig were in Clyde's situation, he would have given up a long, long time ago. So why did Clyde insist on pushing and pushing, fighting an uphill battle that was bound to lead to nowhere? He was just going to make a fool of himself. 

     Craig's bedroom was just like him. Nice and boring. It was clean and well-organised. Even before he had left for college, it was similar to how it was now. Sterile. However, there were still traces of an existence that was uniquely his. Glow in the dark stars speckled the ceiling but Craig couldn't bring himself to take them down. It would be like ripping a part of his childhood away, destroying the dream he had of exploring the universe. Unfortunately, the starry blankets and sheets on his bed were long gone, replaced with a mechanical grey. In the corner of the room was his study desk and laptop. On top of the desk was a plain white envelope. Craig took a deep breath in.

     He thought that the more messages from Clyde he read, the easier it would be to ignore them and cast them aside. He was wrong. Seeing the messy handwriting that could have only belong to Clyde twisted the knife in Craig's chest just that little more.

* * *

_Dear Craig,_

_Um, I don't really know what to say. I mean, what else is there to say? I've told you pretty much everything. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing this stupid letter. Let's get the obligatory 'how are you?' out of the way._

_So. How are you?_

_Well, actually, here's the thing. You do remember that we literally live next door to each other, right? Our bedrooms are like right across from each other._

_You've probably seen me jerking off. Not that you would tell me, you're too modest for that. Actually, I don't know. Tell me if you've seen me jerking off, okay? I'll try to make it less obvious. It's strange, because there's something that's so uncomfortably intimate yet distant about this. Or something. What I mean is that our rooms are our own little worlds, our own havens._

_I once saw Tweek straddling you. Then you pushed him away. It was so awkward. But I couldn't stop watching you guys. You didn't even noticed how I had pretty much glued my face to the window. That sounds really fucked up. But hey, maybe we're all a little bit fucked up inside, huh? I don't know if you remember, but one day, when I was 14, I had pretty much locked myself in my room all night. Bebe broke up with me and I couldn't stop sobbing like a little bitch. But you, you were watching me cry. And I was watching you watching me cry. And it was weird, because the day after, at school, you acted like nothing had happened. You didn't bring it up or anything, didn't try to comfort me. In a way, that made me feel better. I know everyone has seen me cry. Most of the time, it's kinda like crocodile tears. I'm usually not even that upset. But that night, I was crying for real. I loved Bebe so much. She was my everything. It was almost like I lost my mother again._ _That sounds pathetic as fuck. But I was young and in love, and full of hormones and shit._

_Yeah, so last night, I don't know if it was the alcohol in me or something, but I swear I saw your bedroom light was on. I didn't mention it when we were talking last night (and by that, I meant being left on 'seen') because I was... scared? Well, not scared, but like. Paranoid. I didn't want to be wrong. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Also I was shitfaced. At least now I'm coherent enough to write this letter. But yeah, seeing that light on after four years of being met with darkness, well, it fucked me up. And for some reason, it reminded me of that time you watched me cry. I almost hoped that you would be there to just watch me._

_They say that eye contact is one of the most intimate forms of communication. But there's something wrong about that. You can look at anyone, and anyone can look at you. No homo, but I wouldn't want to share you. I don't want anyone to steal you away with their glances. However, it's rare to find someone who sees the same world as you. So when I look at you in your room, I feel like my whole world is you. That probably doesn't make sense. Whatever._

_I'm going to deliver this letter in a bit. I'll walk over, knock on the door, and someone will be there to greet me. It doesn't matter who it is. I'll ask, 'Is Craig home?' and they'll just look at like I'm some lost puppy. With a pained smile, they'll shake their heads. I'll hand the letter over. Then I'll leave, and life will continue, and things will move on. I suppose I could have just asked for a postal address or something, so that you'll actually read this. But I think that you should read this when, sorry, if you come back to South Park. I highly doubt you're going to read this anyway. It's like I'm a total stranger to you._

_Because this way, I can write the words that were never said. And then because I'm such a fucking coward, I don't have to give a shit about what you think of me._

_I love you. Full homo intended._

_Your best friend,  
Clyde _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obstacles- Syd Matters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrXpFh2IHZY 
> 
> Sorry for the late update, I've been a bit busy... As I was writing this chapter, Life is Strange just suddenly popped into my head. I knew I had to make a reference to it :') The next update will be a bit different to the previous ones (whatever that means lmao). Thank you to everyone who has left a comment/kudos, or even just gave this fic a chance!


	6. Reprise

**[Xx_TwilightRose_xX has signed on]**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Hey.**

**[TheDarkFlameMaster has signed on]**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Hello.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What's up?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Nothing much. Yourself?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Just chilling.** **You know, I was kind of expecting a smart ass answer like 'the ceiling' from you.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Sorry to disappoint.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Okay?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: No offense, but why do you keep talking to me?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Wow. Not in the mood for your little games tonight, huh?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Not at all. I've had a long day. I'm tired.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Did something happen? Want to talk about it?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm fine. Don't change the subject. Why do you keep talking to me?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Honestly, I don't know. I have no good reason to. But clearly I do. I want to say it's because I'm lonely. I mean, inherently, people seek the company of others in order to alleviate this loneliness. So that could be why. Even so, there's something more to it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I barely even know you, but I feel as if we share a connection. A bond. I can't explain it with words- it's just a feeling in my heart.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Huh. I didn't expect that. I didn't think you were emotionally capable of such a response. Why?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm nothing special. I'm sure you've met the type of guy that I am before. You know, compensates for their crippling depression with an exaggerated, obnoxious alpha male persona?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Hey, depression isn't something you should just joke about.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I know. I wasn't joking.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That's kind of sad. The way you see yourself.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's okay. I know this is how everyone else sees me.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That's not necessarily true, and I know that you know it. And besides, why should it matter?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Bingo. I only said that so that you would give me some sort of pity. You know, I'm pleasantly disappointed that you didn't. I love wallowing in my own self pity, but I guess I need to pull my head out of my ass.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That's okay.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Is it really?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I don't know, you tell me. It's up to you to decide.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: ...**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Listen, if you don't want to talk, then tell me. I'll leave you alone.  
**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: As shocking as it sounds, I don't want to be a trouble for you. It seems like you've got quite a lot on your plate.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I don't need you to analyse me. But no, stay.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm lonely. I don't know if I feel lonely just for the sake of it, but nevertheless, I can't get rid of this empty feeling in me. I'm surrounded by all these people who apparently love and care for me, but I feel like nobody really is there for me.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: But you know what? I like talking to you too. I like the anonymity that we have. It means I could say or do anything I wanted to you, consequences be damned, and it wouldn't matter. After all, you're just another face behind another screen, probably half way across the world.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: There's no fear of judgement. I don't know you, and you don't know me. I don't owe you anything. As cliched as it sounds, I feel like I can really be myself around you.** **And it's ironic, because in a role-playing game where we create fictional characters, I have never felt more myself. When I talk to you, it makes me just that little bit less lonely.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Haha... I'm so pathetic, aren't I?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: No. Not at all. It's perfectly normal to feel this way. It's okay.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Admittedly, I don't have any other words for you. I'm not the best at this kind of stuff.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's fine. Sorry to bring the mood down. I'm feeling rather melancholy on this fine evening.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Is there anything I can do to help?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You're already helping. I'm glad for the distraction.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: There's something on my mind that I don't really want to think about.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Right. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I don't think I can. Well, not now at least.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Yeah. If the time where you're ready to talk about it ever comes, always remember that I'm here for you.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Thanks. I appreciate it. But enough of this sappy shit.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You know what we should do? We should ask each other really random questions.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That sounds really dumb. What is this, a sleepover where we're ten year old girls 'high' on sugar, and we're badass bitches because we've been up til 1AM playing truth or dare?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: That was scarily specific. But yes, yes we are.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Thrilling.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Okay, what's your favourite animal?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Dinosaurs. You?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Guinea pigs. Also, the dinosaurs all dead.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: And? That doesn't make them any less cool! Btw, that question was way too boring. You gotta ask the real juicy shit. Like, 'how many girls have you fucked?' or something!**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Ugh, fine. How many girls have you fucked?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: More than one!**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Wow. I'm soooooo proud of you.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Hey, that's probably more than you have.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I'm almost angry that you're right there.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Seriously? And you're what, 21? Don't tell me you're a virgin.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I'm gay. And a virgin.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Oh.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Oh indeed.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Um, thanks for telling me this. I know it can be really hard to talk about this kinda stuff and I'm glad you've put this trust into me-**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I tell everyone this. It's nothing special.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Ah, well.** **My best friend is gay.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Yes.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: ???**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I hope you do realise that gay people do not flock together like penguins huddling for warmth.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I know, I know! I'm bi if that makes you feel any better.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: It doesn't.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: :(**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Okay, random question.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster:** **W** **ould you rather be immortal, or, whenever you died, you would be reborn into another life? And you would remember all your past lives.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Well, it depends I guess. What do you mean by immortal?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You can't die. At all. And you don't age or die by natural causes.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Right. In that case, I'd want to be immortal.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Ah, is that so?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Why though?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I mean, don't you think it would be cool to live all these new lives?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You could experience everything life has to offer and shit.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I know, but I don't think it would be worth it in the end.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Sure, but with all the good things comes the bad. That's just how it goes.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: And you can't choose what you want to be reborn as, right?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: So you could be born as this starving kid in some third world country who dies before he even turns 10.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That would just be sad.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I see...**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: That's one way of putting it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Yeah. Or you could be born in the body of a psychopath or something, destined to mess this fucked up world even more. And you couldn't do anything about it because fate says so.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Hey, the future is never set in stone. We can always change it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Then why don't we?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: ???**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Never mind. Forget it.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Okay.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I assume you would rather be reborn all the time?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah. Being immortal, well, it would just suck.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: How so?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You would have to watch all of your loved ones pass away.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Your pain and suffering can't be relieved through the sweet release of death.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: You would have to watch this world go to hell.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: ...You're not wrong there.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Who wants to live forever, anyway?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: The beauty of life is that it's fleeting and temporary, which makes the little moments all the more precious to us.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: If you take the end away, well, there's really no point for the beginning, is there?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: That probably doesn't make sense. Whatever.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: No, I think I get what you mean.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: ...Are you okay?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Not really. I don't want to talk about it. So please don't ask me again.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: This isn't like you.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I know. I said to drop it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I can't. I'm just looking out for you.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I didn't ask you to. And you're being a bit odd too.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Since when did you ever give a fuck about me?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What the fuck? Where the hell did that come from?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: 'This isn't like you'. How can you even say that? You don't even know who I am.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm not sure if even I know who I am.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I'm sorry?** **Seriously, what's up with you? Did something happen? I mean, obviously something is wrong but... I thought you were cool with everything.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's nothing. And well, maybe I just changed my mind. Things are not cool. I don't have to justify how I feel to you.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Jesus. It clearly is not just 'nothing'.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You can talk to me, you know? And don't act like I don't give a fuck about you. Why else would I keep talking to you?  
**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I don't know, because you pity me?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Why would I pity you? I have nothing to gain from it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I'm a huge asshole in real life. It's no different here.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm sure you're not that bad. Before you weren't pitying me, but now I don't know.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: What is that supposed to mean? But trust me, I am.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Then why are you being so nice to me?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: How the hell am I being nice to you? What, do you worship every person who actually wants to talk to you and shows some semblance of concern for you well-being? Isn't that just being a decent human being?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Well yes, actually.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's kinda sad how you're the only person who's taken the time to ask me how I am and everything.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Fuck. No offense, but don't you have friends you can turn to for this kinda stuff? Why me? I'm just a random stranger on the internet.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah, but it's not the same. Like I said before, I value this anonymity.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm supposed to be this cheery, happy-go-lucky guy. I'm not exactly the brightest, but I'm always there for people when they need me. So if people, my friends, see me as anything else but that...**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Christ, you sound like a whiny teenage girl listening to sad break up songs.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Who cares about what other people think about you? They don't define you, or who you are. Just be yourself.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Easy for you to say. You don't know what it's like here.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: And people do define you. We're nothing by ourselves. But when someone starts to see you, that's when you really start to exist. And what if being 'yourself' makes everyone hate you?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Oh my god, cut that shit out. Yes, people do define you, but they do not define your actions, words, opinions, or whatever. You are responsible for that. We are products of our societies, but even so, we _are_ that product. **

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: That doesn't really make sense. But that's not my point.** **In the end, nobody gives a damn about you. Existences are bound to end. Even when you die, you can still live on in other people's memories, but memories fade away eventually. So, it's not worth it. Like I said, who cares? You live for yourself and not for anybody else.**

 **TheDarkFlameMaster: But don't you get it? It's easy to say that you don't care, to act like everything is alright. But it hurts, it fucking hurts! You can't just ignore your feelings, hoping they'll go away. They don't.** **Believe me, I've tried. God, I've tried so hard to forget him. But I can't. It's impossible.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: ...Then maybe you don't need to forget him.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I don't know what happened, or who you're talking about, but I don't think you should just forget it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Forgetting the pain... it's the easy way out. And sure, everyone loves it when things are easy for them. But well, don't you think he's worth more than than that? If he really means so much to you, than maybe you owe it to him to patch things up.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah. Wait. No! He's such a fucking asshole! Why the hell are you telling _me_ to patch things up with him? He's the one who walked out on me!**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Fuck it. I don't know! I don't know how I feel about him.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: If I saw him right now, I would either kick him in the balls or make out with him. Maybe both.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: But damn it hurts so badly whenever I think about him. I miss him so much. I just want him back.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I see. T** **o be honest, I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry I can't offer you more solid advice.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's fine.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I suppose I could tell you to never give up and to believe in hope or some shit.** **But that hasn't really worked out for you, huh?**

 **Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You try and try, but you're fighting a battle you know you can't win. So then why fight?** **Yet you fight because it's the only thing you know you can do. And giving up isn't easy either.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah. It's hard to wait around for something that might never happen, but when that 'something' is your everything, it's hard to just... give up. That would mean giving up everything.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You really love him, huh?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah. He is, well, was my best friend. We were practically inseparable. I love him like a brother, and then some more.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Every time I see those three little dots, it's like a hit of the best weed ever. But then I see him delete what he's typing and I'm left on 'seen'. And it breaks my heart, honestly. Sometimes, I'm up at like 2am thinking about where he is, and what's he doing. I like to think that he's also thinking about me. But that's never going to happen.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I don't get it. How could he have just left the town like that? He left without a word... without me. I mean, I know it was going to happen sooner or later. Most high school friendships don't tend to last that long. But I've know him since we were in kindergarten. All that time together... I feel like it's been, I don't know, invalidated. Like it never really meant anything.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I'm sorry.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It was so sudden. I wasn't even ready for it. I couldn't have been. I didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye, get that closure and shit, you know? The last time I saw him was at my graduation party. That was four years ago.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: You've been chasing after this guy for that long?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I know! But I can't stop now. Not when I've gotten so far.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Gotten so far?**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Just a feeling I have. Maybe if I keep believing in this dream, it will come to life.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: But I think we're addicted to hope. It's like a drug. A little taste gets you hooked. And you're always desperate for just a little bit more. But when it gets taken away from you, it leaves this empty hole in your heart that can't be fixed. Every time I see my phone go off, there's a small part inside of me that thinks it's him. And then I just want to cry when I realise it's not.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Right? I get what you mean. And it's bullshit.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I can't say much, but I can tell you this:**

**Xx_TwilghtRose_xX: Life sucks sometimes, but it'll pass. Everything will be okay. Someday you'll look back at this and laugh at how stupid everything was back then. It's okay to feel regret, or sorrow, or whatever, because that just means you had something to feel those feelings for. And who knows, maybe that guy who walked out on you will come back into your life. Hopefully you'll talk through everything, and can finally put things behind you.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: This guy, he kinda sounds like an asshole. Who would just abandon their best friend? But maybe there's a reason for everything. I'm not telling you to forgive him or anything, but at least and try to give him a chance. We all deserve a second chance to turn it all around.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Yeah... I owe him that at least.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Thanks. Really. I think I needed to hear this.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: It's no big deal. Sometimes, you just need to vent to someone, I get it. If there's anything else you want to talk about, feel free to let me know. I'll lend you an ear. But try not to be a prissy bitch about it please.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: wooowwww, gee thanks that means a lot to me :)))**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: It's funny though, because what you just said- the whole 'life sucks sometimes thing', _he_ said that once. Or something very similar to it.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Huh. What a coincidence. Who knows, maybe in another world, I could be that guy.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: ikr. Maybe I was acting like such a dick before because I saw him in you. Subconsciously, I was taking out all my frustration and shit on you, because I didn't have anyone else to project onto. idk**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: omg wait i just realised something**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: we like skipped the friendly small talk phase and dived right into the angsty shit lmao :')**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: i think i should get to know u better before i go spilling my tragic backstory tbh**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: I guess so too. But maybe we can do this another time? It's getting late. I've got work early tomorrow.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: oh of course! sorry if i kept u up**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: No big deal.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: can i get a name at least? uwu**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Call me Feldspar.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Feldspar, huh? I doubt that's your real name but whatever.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: I'm Clyde by the way.**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Clyde...**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: Is something the matter?**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: No, it's nothing.**

**TheDarkFlameMaster: If you say so. Night Feldspar! Sleep well, dream of me ;)**

**Xx_TwilightRose_xX: Goodnight Clyde.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im leo and way too lazy to actually write properly so here's a chapter which is entirely dialogue lol :')
> 
> Okay this whole chapter might seem really ooc, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. I wanted to portray the online personas and their real life counterparts as separate characters, but also have some sort of connection?? What I mean is that the relationship between Craig and Clyde is different to TwilightRose and DarkFlameMaster. 
> 
> On a side note, I wish everyone a merry Christmas! Please have safe and happy holidays!! I probably won't update until next year lmao :^)


	7. Reprieve

_Clyde_. A name that could refer to a river in Scotland. But unlike the humble brunette, apparently, the name had much more noble roots- it was of Gaelic origins, deriving from a word with connotations of ‘cleansing’. However, Clyde was anything but cleansing. His hair almost shined with a perpetual grease and there was always some inexplicable stain on his pants. He was like a puppy, rolling around in the mud- his presence brought an inconvenient mess, but he was too cute to be scolded for it. He could be blunt and callous at times, all with a smile on his face. He didn't exactly possess the brightest mind out there.

At least, that was what Craig had gathered from the way Clyde presented himself in his messages and photos, and Tweek’s recount of him. 

Surely all of this was just one big coincidence. Clyde was a popular name, right? There was no way that TheDarkFlameMaster was _the_ Clyde Donovan. Nope not at all, because Craig told himself that if he kept denying the possibility, it would cease to exist. But on the slight chance Craig actually took a good look at himself, pulled his head out of his ass and faced the facts, then everything he thought he knew would be thrown out the window. All his preconceived notions about his alleged best friend would have to be reexamined under a lens that Craig wasn't sure he was willing to put the effort into viewing. 

Clyde wasn't a name that meant cleansing, it was a name that had the noirette breathing out a solemn  _fuck_ when he saw it on the screen. There was more to Clyde than just a guy inhaling two tacos, washing it down with a literal heart attack in a can. As easy as it was to label him as this two-dimensional, cheery jock who cried as much as he ate, Craig knew that that was not what Clyde wanted, nor was it what he deserved. No, this was a Clyde that wore his heart on his sleeve and was emotional. Not emotional in the way he cried all the time whenever things didn't turn out his way, but emotional in that all the feelings he experiences were heightened, both the good and the bad. It was almost as if he lived vicariously through himself which served to amplify his existing experiences. A complete contrast to Craig's apathy.

When Craig had returned to South Park, he never expected that he would be comforting a random stranger over the internet, and he definitely didn't expect that this stranger was his former best friend who he had mysteriously forgotten. Sure, Craig could have just turned the stranger away, but he didn't have the heart to do so. Craig was an asshole, but he was a  _polite_ asshole. And maybe in a way, by helping this stranger, Craig was also helping himself- although he was rarely one to follow his own advice, the conversation had helped him consider the other perspective one could take on this whole fiasco. It was just as well that this 'Clyde's' problem was exactly the same as Donovan's.

But in any case, even with all of the confusion and uncertainty that had suddenly invaded Craig's life, one thing remained clear. All these versions of Clyde would see this through to the end, one way or another. With these thoughts permeating his mind, Craig drifted off to a fitful sleep. 

* * *

Clyde's phone buzzed with an abrasive tremor, rousing him from his slumber. He fumbled around the bedside table to turn off the damned alarm. It was way too early, even if he did wake up at this time every other day. 8:30am. Groaning, he absently rubbed his eyes and blinked a couple of times. Clyde yawned. He was tired, but it wasn't just a physical type of exhaustion- it seemed to emanate from his core. There was a strange emptiness inside of him. Clyde laughed bitterly at the thought of this. He didn't deserve the luxury of being depressed, especially not after pouring his heart out to Feldspar. It would be selfish of him. He had to be happy for everyone. The lingering scenes of a dream that he had began to play in his mind, but slowly faded away. Clyde couldn't exactly remember what it was about, but he was pretty sure it involved Craig in some way. Which was kind of pathetic, because no sane person would be so obsessed with their best friend. 

Why did he have to fall in love with Craig Tucker? 

Craig was nothing special. Sure, he was relatively attractive, but he could be an asshole. He was emotionally constipated. The only thing he cared about was his guinea pig, and his voice was annoyingly grating. He flipped people off. He was voted the cutest guy in class, when clearly, that title should have belonged to Clyde. He had a terrible singing voice. But maybe it was the little things that Clyde was enamoured with. Like how his teeth were crooked beyond repair, or how he would play with the strings on his hat whenever he was lost in thought. How his blue eyes lit up when he talked about the latest episode of Red Racer. All of the things that made Craig the person he was, Clyde couldn't help but to fall in love with.

One time, Craig punched Clyde for stealing a bite of his burrito. To be fair, it wasn't just because of that. Clyde was being exceptionally annoying, even more so than usual. He had been flirting with every female in the restaurant, ignoring the fact that Craig had finally agreed to go to Freeman's Tacos with him on a one-on-one hangout session (which was totally not a date). Craig wasn't exactly jealous of the lack of attention, but he felt like he was doing the guests a service by keeping Clyde in check. 

Craig didn't know it at the time, but in actuality, Clyde was trying to hide the crippling anxiety that arose on their totally platonic bro date. As Clyde took a swig of his soda, the outcome of his planned confession taunted him. It made him feel sick. He tried to push it away from his mind, and to focus on what he was here for, but the anxiety was determined to make his life a living hell. 

_God, you're so pathetic. You think that he would actually love someone like you back? Get over yourself. You're nothing special to him._

_Give it up, there's no way he's into you. What, just because he's gay, he'll automatically turn to the nearest guy with their dick out for him?_

_Stop. There's no point to all this. Nothing good could come out of it. You're only going to hurt yourself and him._

_How can you be so selfish? Can't you just appreciate what you already have? Do you actually think that you deserve this?_

So when Clyde said, "Craig, I need to tell you something." and Craig replied with "What?", Clyde didn't say, "I love you." but instead he said, "This quesadilla is fucking amazing." to which Craig scoffed, "Dude, are you serious?" and the only thing Clyde could come up with was a shit eating grin, when really, he was thinking about how Craig's chapped lips would feel against his own, thinking about how dumb this all was because he would taste like a taco and not like the sweetest nectar or some shit, but god it was too much and he couldn't think straight because Craig Tucker had just punched him and this was all just one big fucking  _mess-_

That night, Clyde jerked off in the shower, hot tears mixing in with the hot water. 

And It was funny, because when Clyde really thought about it, his crush on Craig could have started as early as when they were five years old, just mere kids who didn't really have a solid grasp on the enigma that was love. But that was a story for another day.

Clyde knew that he couldn't just keep living in the past, indulging himself in his fantasies, but when it was the only thing that gave him a reason to look forward to another day, could you really blame him for doing so? 

As much as he wanted to sink into his bed and memories, Clyde got up, haphazardly threw on his 'work uniform' which consisted of a black shirt and jeans (it wasn't like Roger Donovan cared anyway), and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. He lazily brushed his teeth, his mind straying to thoughts of Craig once again. Would he also be brushing his teeth right now, wherever he was? Clyde wondered if Craig still had the Red Racer hair brush Clyde had gotten him for his 11th birthday, which in hindsight, was probably not that great of a gift. Still, Clyde didn't really care because at the time, it had earned him a smile from the noirette which were far and few between. 

Clyde spooned cereal into his mouth, idly chewing on the honey cornflakes, left alone with his thoughts. The Donovan household was empty except for him. His father had left earlier to open up shop, his older sister Samantha was doing god knows what up in Canada, and Betsy had long passed away. It was then Clyde realised how lonely he truly was. Nothing was ever really constant in his life. He didn't have his rock to keep him grounded, and maybe one day, he too would be blown away along with the harsh winds of change that whisked away everyone he loved. 

It wasn't easy being alone. In the mornings, his sister didn't hog the bathroom like she used to when he was younger. For breakfast, he subsisted on the same honey cornflakes, day after day- a far cry from all the way back to when he was nine years old and his mother would treat him to  _hagelslag_ on bread, his teeth stained brown by the deliciously decadent chocolate sprinkles. And at night, Roger had practically locked himself away in his study. Clyde didn't know what he was doing in there, but he had a sneaking suspicion that his father was writing a children's novel. The rare times that the two actually did have a conversation that wasn't just nods exchanged in the hallway, Roger was always asking about what kind of stories and characters kids these days liked. Also, Clyde could hear the persistent tapping of computer keys. He had no idea why his father had suddenly developed an interest in writing, but maybe if your wife died and you were told you were at 'extreme risk of developing hepatic cancer', you would do the same thing too. In any case, it was rather inane, but it wasn't Clyde's business.

After finishing his sad little breakfast, Clyde chucked the bowl and spoon in the sink. Letting it just sit there was probably really disgusting but it wasn't like he cared either way.  Sighing, he locked up the house and headed off to work. 

* * *

"Please Heidi! You've got to do this! For me! For the greater good!" Eric Cartman whined, tugging on his girlfriend's arms. Heidi, with a fierce scowl on her face, tried to push him off of her, but it was almost as if she possessed a gravity that was too strong- he would be always be perpetually orbiting around her forever. But annoying as it was, they had stayed together out of a mutual tolerance- although he needed her much more than she did, there was something inside of Heidi that told her she needed this as well. However, that didn't mean she was a total pushover.

"No, Eric. If you want to talk to Clyde, then go talk to him yourself. Also, I don't see why are we having this conversation literally right outside his shoe store. It's weird." Heidi said. 

"But babe, there's a reason why I asked  _you_ to do this. Only you can do this. I need you." Cartman protested. Heidi rolled her eyes at this but decided to humour him a little bit more. She didn't really want to risk him throwing a tantrum like the man-child he was. 

"Why? I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing. What am I supposed to talk to Clyde about?" Heidi questioned.

Looking back on it, the whole thing was a bit odd. Prior to this, Cartman had demanded that the two head off to the mall, claiming that their excursion was 'a matter of life and death'. It really wasn't. Heidi didn't know why her boyfriend had suddenly wanted to talk to Clyde- the two hadn't really kept in contact after graduation. She couldn't blame Clyde. Eric could be a rather... abrasive person to be around. Although the two shared in common that they were the more 'big boned' boys in their year, and they were a bit dim-witted at times, they weren't really friends. Apparently, Clyde was third on Cartman's shitlist when they were in the fourth grade, which was a bit surprising because it didn't seem like Clyde had done anything for Cartman to hate him so much. Then again, the list was from over ten years ago, and in ten years, well, people changed. 

"Okay, so here's the plan. You enter the store, and talk to Clyde. I don't know you'll talk about, nor do I really care, but the point is, you distract him. And then, using your deliciously feminine wiles on him, you find a way to steal his phone!" Cartman exclaimed, smiling like it was the greatest idea he had ever concocted. 

Heidi frowned. "Eric!" she scolded. "You can't expect me to do that. You want me, your girlfriend, to flirt with another man just so you can steal his phone? That's so stupid. And how am I going to take his phone? He probably doesn't even have it on him."

"Heidi, please. You're smart  _and_ funny! If anyone can do this, it's you. I'm letting you do this because I _trust_ you. And besides, I'm pretty sure he carries the phone in his pocket. I mean, why else would he always have his hands in his pocket? Unless he's palming his dick. That is fucking disgusting." Cartman scoffed. 

Heidi decided to ignore the first part of Eric's words. Even if the words were fake, the way they made her feel was not. She liked to be told all those things, and maybe it was really selfish of her, but maybe she deserved to be a little selfish sometimes. Although it was extremely rare to see Eric being genuinely kind and supportive, he was definitely capable of it, and it was for this reason that Heidi resolved to double down on her efforts in making sure that their relationship could work. Then again, they had only been dating for about three months now, and it was hard to tell what would happen later down the track.

"You do realise it's like the middle of December? It's been really cold lately, so maybe he's just trying to keep his hands warm." Heidi offered. She then tilted her head in confusion. "Why do you even want his phone anyway?"

"Well Heidi, back when we were seniors, we had this bet. I said that he and Craig were boning each other, but Clyde, being eternally stuck in the closet like the pussy that he is, was all like 'noooooo that's fucking gay, he's my best friend dude'. And I was like, 'Clyde please, we all know that you have this massive hard-on for Craig' and he was like, 'Nuh-uh!' and I was like-

"Eric, get to the point." 

"Yeah, so I definitely  _know_ that the two hooked up! All we gotta do is steal his phone so he can't delete the messages about how much he loves him."

"Eric, that's really stupid. We don't even know for sure that his phone would prove anything."

"Well then, do you have a better idea? Because one way or another, I'm getting my fucking ten dollars!" Cartman shrieked. Heidi sighed in exasperation. Why was he so hung up about this? Sure, ten dollars was ten dollars, but it really wasn't worth all the effort.

"Then why don't you just ask him?"

"He's gonna lie to me, I know it. We need cold hard proof!" 

"Why are you so, you know, adamant about this? If it's about the money-"

"NO HEIDI! You don't understand. This isn't just about the money, it's about bringing that fucking douche down to his knees and getting him to admit that he was wrong, and that I was right!" 

Heidi knit her eyebrows in concern. She knew that Eric could be rather egotistical, but this was taking it to a whole new level. She sighed once again and took a deep breath in. 

"Alright Eric, I'll do it." Heidi said, instantly regretting it. 

"OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, BABE! GOD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." Cartman obnoxiously yelled, pulling Heidi into a tight embrace. She awkwardly pat his back in return. 

"L-love you too,' Heidi stammered out, on the verge of suffocating from how tight Eric was squeezing her. He let her go, a wide grin on his face, which for once, wasn't inherently malicious. 

Hesitantly, Heidi walked into the store. She looked around, pretending to be interested in the wide variety of shoes available. Her eyes landed on a certain Clyde Donovan. He was looking down at a book and writing something in it. Taking inventory, Heidi presumed. She approached her former classmate. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noted how similar Clyde and Eric looked- Eric had a lighter shade of brown hair and a larger, more muscled physique, but other than that, they looked like they could have been brothers. 

"Hi Clyde," Heidi greeted casually. Clyde turned around to the source of the voice, and for a brief moment, there was a flash of confusion on his face. Then he registered who he actually was talking to. 

"Oh- um, hey Heidi. What brings you here today?" Clyde asked.

"Oh, you know. Just shoe shopping." Heidi answered. 

"Right. Well, let me know if I can help you with anything." Clyde said, and turned around to continue with his task. Heidi raised a hand to play with hair, like she always tended to do whenever she was thinking about something. How was she going to do this? She supposed that she could have just asked him outright, but well, she wanted to do it a little bit more tactfully. A pair of white lace up boots on a nearby shelf caught her eye and distracted her from the dilemma. 

"Hey Clyde, do you think I can get these for free?" Heidi said, pointing to the aforementioned shoes. 

Clyde bit his lip, as if he was actually deliberating over such a ludicrous request. "What? You know I can't do that, even if I do know you..."

Heidi smirked. "I know, I was just joking. To be fair, I personally didn't vote you in the bottom five on the list, so maybe that deserves a little credit?" Heidi teased, wondering if the reference would completely fly over his head. Clyde's eyes lit up with recognition and he let out a small chuckle. 

"Jeez, I was like 10! You can't blame me for wanting to hook up with da ladies," Clyde drawled. "And thanks Heidi, I feel soooo much better now that I know that. But wait, aren't you going out with Cartman now? Are you sure you should be saying those things about me?" Clyde said, winking. Heidi playfully shoved his shoulder. 

"You haven't changed a single bit!" Heidi smiled. "And yeah, Eric and I have been together for a few months now. It's been... interesting so far."

"Wow. I didn't know that the fat ass was emotionally capable of such a feat."

"Hey! Don't say that kind of stuff about him." Heidi protested. "But actually, Eric's why I'm here today."

"Huh? I thought you were looking for some shoes."

"Well, I am too, but that's not the only thing," Heidi began, wondering how she could approach this. She decided to ask him directly. "Can I look at your phone?" 

Clyde was appropriately confused. "Yeah, but why?"

"Eric said that you made a bet with him when we were in high school. He bet that, and I quote, you and Craig were boning each other. And you said that you weren't. Remember?" Heidi said. 

Irritation plastered itself across Clyde's face. "Oh yeah. That. I can't believe he still remembers it. I mean, I can, because this is exactly what he would do. Bring up something from four years ago."

"Yeah..." Heidi said sympathetically. 

"Wait, so what does my phone have to do with all this?"

"That's what I thought. Eric said that he needed proof that you and Craig were together, so he probably assumed that you would have all these messages about how much you love Craig. He wants screenshots."

"Oh my fucking god. I don't even like Craig in that way! And besides, we haven't talked in like forever. That asshole keeps ignoring me." 

"Oh... I'm sorry." 

Clyde sighed. "Don't be. There's nothing you can do about it. He clearly doesn't want to keep in contact with me." Clyde said, his voice crestfallen. He cast his gaze downward. 

"Maybe he just can't talk to you for some reason?" Heidi said, trying to help, but from the dejected look in his eyes, he had long given up on that possibility.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." Clyde murmured. "Is Cartman here? I might as well just show him that Craig and I are totally not fucking or whatever." 

"Yeah, he's waiting outside." Heidi said. Clyde nodded and headed outside.

When Cartman noticed the two, his eyes widened. He went over to his girlfriend and whispered in her ear. "Um, Heidi? What's he doing here? This wasn't a part of the plan."

Clyde groaned. "You do realise that I am literally standing like five feet away from you?" 

"Did you at least get his phone?" Cartman asked, ignoring Clyde. 

"Dude! Here! You can see for yourself that I am  _not_ boning Craig." Clyde exclaimed, handing over his phone with the messenger app open. It was only then Cartman decided to acknowledge Clyde's existence.

"Clyde, my old friend! How are you? It's been a while!" 

"Let's just get this done and over with. 

"That's no way to talk to an old pal! But if you insist." Cartman said, scrolling through the message history. He had a sour look on his face when he realised that Clyde was in fact, telling the truth. There was nothing substantial to work off on. 

"See, what did I tell you? There's nothing going on between me and Craig!"

"Uh huh, I totally believe you." Cartman said sarcastically. There was a momentary silence as Cartman seemed to be tapping at something else. He then tilted his head. "And who the fuck is xx twilight underscore rose xx?" 

"Oi! Don't just go through my phone like that!" Clyde said, trying to get his phone back. However, Cartman held it just outside of Clyde's reach, taunting him. 

"How do I know that you're not just using that stupid role playing game as a cover? Twilight Rose could actually be Craig."

"That's so fucking stupid. Why the hell would I do that? I nearly forgot we even had this bet in the first place!

"Then why are you being so defensive, huh?"

"I AM NOT BEING DEFENSIVE GODDAMMIT!"

"Babe, just give him the phone back. I think he's telling the truth." Heidi interjected. She didn't really want to get involved in this meaningless banter, but this was getting out of hand.

"Shut up Heidi, you don't understand." Cartman remarked snidely. Then his eyes lit up, a metaphorical light bulb dinging above his head. "Actually, I know what we should do."

There was an annoyed look on Clyde's face. "What?"

"Honey, you can do your thing! You know, emoji analysis or whatever the fuck it is. And then we can tell if this Twilight Rose is actually Craig!" Cartman said, like it was the most obvious thing ever. 

Heidi groaned. Everyone had that really mundane and marginally useful skill that was uniquely theirs. Clyde could eat a taco in one whole bite. Cartman could literally offend anything and everything on the planet. Craig could command guinea pigs to his bidding, and apparently, he also had eye lasers. (One of these things was not like the others). And as for Heidi, she had the ability to analyse the social patterns people subconsciously conveyed in the way they communicated. At first, it began with emojis- she picked up on the way people used them and their dynamics. The information was invaluable to her. Throughout high school, she was able to use her skill to find the weak link in social circles, and although she was not a vindictive person by nature, there was no harm in inflating her popularity, right? But with great power comes great responsibility, and soon, she found that she was able to even pick up on the most minuscule of semantics- the way Wendy would use capital letters, or the way Bebe added 'xx' to the end of everything she wrote- they all spoke volumes to Heidi. It got bad enough to the point where she knew  _too  _much, and her eyes were practically glued to her screen. Her friends had to stage an intervention where they pretty much banned her from all forms of social media. 

In the end, Heidi managed to successfully completed her rehabilitation. She was granted access back to her social media, but only if she would tone down the analysis. She was clean ever since she left high school, but there was no telling if she would relapse. There was a slight risk that analysing Twilight Rose would trigger this relapse, but the chance was low as she was not that invested in their relationship. 

"Alright, fine! I'll do it." Heidi relented. 

"You're the best, babe. This is why I love you so much." Cartman said. He then turned to Clyde who was positively puzzled about the whole 'emoji analysis' thing. "Ha, suck it! My girlfriend is so much better than yours! Oh wait, you don't have one. Unlike Heidi, Craig isn't smart  _and_ funny!" Cartman stuck his tongue out. 

"Hey, don't I get a say in any of this?!"

"If you've got nothing to hide then you shouldn't have a problem with it!" 

"Can you two just be quiet for like two minutes? I need to concentrate." Heidi said, turning her attention to the phone. She opened the messaging app and scanned the words. Taking a deep breath in, she began to make mental notes about the messages. Full punctuation. Proper grammar. Separates messages into multiple texts. Slightly self-centered. Logical. So far, there was nothing in particular that stuck out as uniquely Craig. Sure, their writing style was very similar, but that was just circumstantial evidence.

Then she found it. The smoking gun that labeled Twilight Rose as Craig. 

_Clyde..._

And:

_Goodnight Clyde._

To the normal person, those words might not have seemed to mean much. But Heidi had the power of emoji and textual analysis on her side, and her intuition was never wrong. Those messages were so  _not_ Craig, and because of this, it was what confirmed her thoughts. Twilight Rose was _definitely_  Craig. Heidi turned to Clyde, a dry smile on her face.

"I think there's something you should know..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Wow, it's been so long, I haven't updated since last year! :') 
> 
> Okay so here's a longer chapter to kinda make up for the delay. I know most of it is filler, but it's the setup for all the juicy stuff lol. As a side note, I kinda liked heiman in early season 20, but I don't really ship Cartman with anyone tbh. They're together here to kinda serve as a foil? Also, Heidi's emoji analysis thing is not to be taken too seriously lol. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read/commented/left kudos so far! It really means a lot to me, and it inspires me to do my best! I'm honestly so grateful for all you lovely people. I hope you all have had a good 2018 so far! :)


	8. Release

"Hi, can I get a large takeaway cappuccino with almond milk?" the customer asked. Tweek nodded, and began taking the order down. 

It was a day like any other at the Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse. It was a slow start, but business had gradually picked up as the day went on by, peaking at the lunch hour. Now, it was late in the afternoon and things were winding down. After having dealt with some of the more odd requests ( _I'm sorry, but we do not offer candy cane coffee- yes, I am aware that it's the festive season- no, this is not Harbucks_ ), he was glad for the more simplistic orders that came in. However, cappuccinos with almond milk were a bit tricky to make because the almond milk would rarely properly froth due to the lack of fat content. Still, Tweek was determined to make a coffee that was worthy of the Tweak name, which to be fair, wasn't that great. Contrary to the expected, adding literal crack did not make your coffee taste good, no matter how much you claimed that drinking it was like wearing a 'warm sweater that keeps on getting warmer'. But ever since the whole drug fiasco thing had died down, people were actually wanting to spend time and money at the cafe. It also helped Tweek out in that his label as the 'twitchy blonde' was partly due to his drug addiction, and so, his anxiety had been toned down. It was still there, but not to the point where the resulting paranoia had him literally tearing his hair out. He could hold a conversation without wanting to curl up in a foetal position and die. And even though Tweek hated the place due to how he was practically locked up in the basement as a child, there were some things he was glad for, and so, he felt like he owed it to his parents to work his best. 

"Of course," Tweek smiled. "Can I get you anything else?" Tweek offered politely.

The customer tilted her head and smirked. It was a young woman, with brown-blonde ombre hair and vibrant red lipstick. If Tweek was straight, he would have fallen head over heels for her. She was beautiful. "Hmm. I wonder what it takes to get some recognition here?" the woman said, with a teasing lilt to her voice. 

Tweek bit his lip in confusion. "I'm sorry... but do I, ngh, know you?" he asked. There was something incredibly familiar about the woman and Tweek couldn't quite place a finger on it. It was frustrating not knowing. 

She coyly raised a finger to her lips. "Come on Tweek, it's me. Wendy and I baked cupcakes for you after Craig broke up with you. Remember?" the blonde smiled gently. The cogs in the Tweek's head turned, and he let out a small gasp in affirmation.

"Oh! Bebe! It's been a while. I missed you!" Tweek beamed. He walked around from behind the counter to properly talk to her. Although he wasn't being paid to catch up with his old friends, this was more important. Bebe was one of his best friends. The two had formed a close friendship, and although it began from something as superficial as, "I've always wanted a gay best friend!", Tweek really admired Bebe. She had taught him how to become more confident and helped him expand his wardrobe beyond the green button down shirt he always wore. When Tweek wasn't with Craig and those guys, he would spend time at Bebe's house teaching her how to bake.

"Aww, I missed you too silly!" Bebe beamed, hugging Tweek warmly. There was a strong scent of cheap perfume lingering around her body- although the way Bebe presented herself as this glamorous fashionista could be seen as obnoxious, Tweek believed that if anybody could make it work, it was her. "I see you're still here, in the coffeehouse. Things don't really change, do they?" Bebe commented idly. 

Tweek glanced wistfully to the side. "A-ah, yeah. I guess they don't," He returned to the coffee machine, measured out a dose, and began extracting the espresso. "It's funny because all those years ago, I told myself that I would leave this place and never turn back. I wanted to get away from all the pressure... everything. Gah, look where I am now." Tweek said, more to himself than Bebe. It was a far away dream he had as a child. He wanted go out and explore the world, to be perusing Europe's finest art galleries or to be petting a kangaroo in Australia. He wanted to experience life and all its wonders. But somewhere along the way, that dream faded away and he had resigned himself to the fact that South Park would be where it all began and ended. 

"Tweek..." Bebe murmured in concern. She never knew that Tweek had felt this way. Of course, South Park got to everyone eventually with all its bullshit, but she didn't know it was that bad. 

"Agh, enough about me. What about you?" Tweek asked, blatantly redirecting the conversation. He watched as the brown liquid pooled in the cup.

"Oh, I've been splendid! I've been travelling all around the world, really enriching myself with all these different cultures, you know?" Bebe let out a small laugh. "Okay, I just sounded like a really basic bitch, but hey, it sure does help with my anthropology and sociology degree." she said, smiling.

Tweek returned the smile. "That's wonderful! I'm glad to hear that." As sad as it was, everyone saw Bebe as the token ditzy blonde who would only amount to flipping patties at the local M-Burgers. Tweek didn't believe in that. He had always known about her love for exploring and learning about other traditions and customs- there was a certain empathy for the world that she possessed. 

"Yeah, it's honestly been so amazing. Now I'm back in town to celebrate Christmas with my family."

"That's good. Ah right, I um, nearly forgot about that." Tweek said sheepishly. 

Bebe looked a little confused. "Huh? Christmas? Oh yeah, you don't really celebrate it, do you?"

"Nah. Buddhism and all that. But it is nice! I mean I kinda do celebrate it and I give presents and stuff, but it's not really 'Christmas' to me. I feel like it's a time where everyone's just that little bit more, well, pleasant? Ahhh you know what I mean!" Tweek rambled.

Bebe giggled. Even after all this time, Tweek was still the same. "I understand, don't worry."

Tweek sighed in relief. "Cool cool. By the way, did you hear? Stan and Kyle might be coming back as well, probably to visit their families. At least, that's what Kenny told me." Tweek said. It was a bit of surprise when Kenny had come to visit. They were friends, but they hadn't really talked much. Tweek nearly forgot what it was like having a conversation with a person that wasn't a customer, Craig, or Clyde. 

Back when they were in school, Kenny hung around Craig, and by association, Tweek, whenever he was sick of whatever bullshit Stan, Kyle and Cartman were getting into. Craig and Kenny were always smoking together- at least, that was what Tweek had initially thought whenever the two of them would head off alone. However, he had once caught them playing board games with their little sisters, and Tweek kept this moment to himself because two weren't the badasses everyone thought them to be.  

On the other hand, Tweek had always thought he and Kenny were polar opposites- Kenny was this outgoing, self-assured and proactive young man whereas Tweek was this reserved, lanky boy filled with anxiety and caffeine. But one night, the year after they had all graduated, Kenny had stumbled into the cafe, legs nearly giving way. His fingers were purple and he was shaking uncontrollably. As he looked into Kenny's brown eyes that were glazed over in a drug induced haze, he realised that maybe they weren't so different after all. They could have both gone down each other's path. There was a strange sorrow that resonated within Tweek as he gave Kenny some water and pat his back comfortingly-he knew what he was going through.  

The two never spoke of it again. 

Bebe's voice back Tweek back from the past. "Whoa, the old gang's finally back together again? Well I mean, not really, because we didn't really ever all hang out together, but whatever. You know what I mean."

"I know right? It's weird how we've all been together since the fourth grade. Like, even though we've all gone our own ways now, up until we graduated high school, we were all always together." 

"That's so cool, but strange. Maybe there's some force bringing us together in this quiet little mountain town." Bebe sighed. "That reminds me, I learned about this really cool legend! It dates back all the way to the ancient Incan empire.

"Wow. I should tell Craig about this." Tweek said. When he was a little kid, Tweek had a dream that Craig was a descendent of this royal Incan bloodline who was prophesied to save the world from certain doom (and by certain doom, he meant giant guinea pigs). It was really weird, and Craig had just laughed it off, but come five years later, when Craig had been kidnapped and sent to Peru, it turned out to be true. Tweek was shocked at this. His heart almost stopped. The dream he had as a child wasn't just a funny story anymore, it was real. Thankfully, things had turned out all right, but Craig was never the same.  

Bebe started to recount the legend. "Okay, so there was this guy. He's like the equivalent of a holy priest or something, I dunno. As punishment for drinking the blood of a llama-"

Tweek couldn't help but to interject. This already sounded too absurd to be true. "A-a, llama?! And, ngh, why would he drink its blood?"

"Tweek, if you let me finish I can explain. Anyway, apparently the priest had this come into contact with these holy deities, gods, whatever. They told him that if he drank the blood of a newborn llama, he would obtain the secret of immortality. The priest, whose faith was unshakeable, believed every word that they said."

"Okay, and why is this a bad thing? I mean, apart from the fact that drinking a llama's blood is frigging disgusting- sorry. What happened then?"

"Well, he drank the blood. Obviously. I imagine immortality would be pretty sweet. But it was all a trick. See, the llama is a sacred animal in the Incan religion, and so, for the priest to murder one and drink its blood- that was considered utter sacrilege. The gods were testing the priest to see if he was willing to break the oath he had sworn to when he became a priest. And he did."

"That's..."

"Yeah. It was all pretty fucked up. So, the priest was obviously going to be punished."

"B-but why were the gods so cruel as to test him like that? What was the point of all of it?"

"It's hard to say. Maybe it was to prove something to the rest of the followers. Who knows?"

"Hmm. Yeah, I don't think we could ever comprehend the reasoning of such a divine being."

"Anyway, the priest was executed. But the gods decided that even dying wasn't harsh enough, and so, they made it so that he would be resurrected, only to succumb to death all over again. But this time, the gods gave him a second chance. If he could find his one true soulmate, he would no longer be resurrected whenever he died, and he could finally rest in peace."

"What? That's so stupid. Why would the gods offer that mercy to him? And why does he have to find his soulmate?"

"Beats me. From what I read, I think it's because the gods wanted to give the priest the opportunity to redeem himself. The idea of pure love was almost holy. If you were capable of it, you could be cleansed of your sins. Meeting your soulmate would prove that, right?

"Huh. That's awfully convenient, but well, okay."

"I guess it does come across that way. I mean, this is a legend, so I can't exactly prove that this is something that did happen, but it was pretty interesting. Okay, moving on. Get this, it was another test!"

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Yeah, so these gods were disappointed by how selfish the priest was. 'The audacity! You think you're even worthy of redemption? You think we're just going to let you die and forget all the pain?' That kinda thing."

"Jesus fuck, that's like, so petty!"

"I know right! But knock knock, guess what? The gods wipe the priest's memories of his soulmate. Then they plonk him down some random ass place, and tell him to find the soulmate again. Because if he does, he'll be freed from his curse. And so, he does. He finds his soulmate, and they settle down and have kids and stuff. He's finally able to die. The thing is, as one last punishment, there's a curse placed on all of the clan and its descendants. Every year, on the day they meet their soulmate, they are destined to forget them. 

"Oh. That doesn't actually sound too bad. I mean, in comparison to everything else."

"Yeah it's pretty basic, but maybe they were done seeing the priest suffer. But it's unfair that everyone else in the clan was cursed. I mean, this is probably just all some silly myth but..." Bebe sighed. "Forgetting the person you loved. That would really suck. Not just for you, but for them too."

"There are some good things to it, though. You could fall in love with them all over again, experience the magic like it was the very first time. That's something that can't be  replicated." Tweek countered, perhaps a bit more forcefully than intended.

"True, but it would be pretty pointless in the end, don't you think? You would just forget them again and again, year after year. And try as you might, you know it can't lead to anything more than a fleeting romance. It would wear you down, putting in all that effort. Maybe it gets to the point where you're incapable of love. So I would just give up."

"I believe that love conquers all," was all that Tweek said. As cliched and superficial as it was, he couldn't come up with anything else. For some reason, there was this inexplicable urge to defend this idea of star-crossed lovers overcoming all adversity- from what exactly, he didn't know. But he did know that although giving up on the one you loved was the easiest answer you could come up with, it wasn't necessarily the right one. Tweek bit his lip. "But I can see where you're coming from." 

"Right. Anyway don't take it too seriously, it's just a legend." Bebe said with an appeasing smile.

Tweek nodded, but there was something inside of him that was stirring. Craig appeared to be suffering the exact same problem (well, minus the whole never dying thing) with Clyde. The magical amnesia every year. At least, that was what the noirette had told Tweek, but it wasn't like Craig had any reason to lie to Tweek. The whole thing was all too convenient. Too forced. Like something you would see in a sappy soap opera. But it was also too easy, too, well,  _convenient_ to chalk this up as a mere coincidence. There had to be some sort of reason in all this madness. 

Tweek desparately wanted to tell Bebe about everything that had happened between Craig and Clyde, and how eerily similar it was to the legend, but Tweek knew he couldn't. Tweek had promised Craig not to tell anyone about his amnesia. The blonde assumed Craig would tell everyone about it when he was ready, but it was grounding to know that he was the first to know. There was a certain level of trust that Craig put into Tweek that couldn't been seen elsewhere.

Suddenly, the bell by the door chimed, shaking Tweek out of his thoughts. In came Clyde, waltzing in with a jolly spring in his step. This wasn't like him. Sure, Clyde was generally an optimistic person, but he seemed way too peppy for it to be normal. Maybe he had found out about some good news. Or maybe he had found about something so devastating that he had overcompensate and hide it. Either way, Tweek knew there was something wrong. 

"Tweek! Guess what?" Clyde exclaimed, with a giant smile on his face. Then his eyes landed on Bebe, and his expression contorted from happiness, to confusion, before finally settling on a more neutral passiveness. Ever since they broke up, Clyde and Bebe's relationship was never the same. They tried to stay friends, but well, they were 14 and full of hormones, and words were said that should have never been. They were each other's firsts for a number of things, and these were things that couldn't be reclaimed. They could barely stand to talk to each other directly for more than a couple of minutes. Even now, after all this time, the two were still on shaky ground. 

"Oh... Hey, Bebe." Clyde said, looking down at his feet. Bebe tutted and approached the brunette. She brought him into a tight but quick embrace.

She smiled at her ex-boyfriend, "Clyde, you idiot! Stop acting like a stranger, and at least try to pretend that you're happy to see me!" Clyde's cheeks flared red. For all his hyper masculine bravado and confidence, Clyde could still be pretty shy. Tweek let out a little laugh at this. 

"B-but I-" Clyde stammered out. 

"Aw, come on! All that stuff is in the past, you know. Water under the bridge?"

Clyde breathed out, "Yeah. Definitely." His trademark smile returned. 

"Wonderful! Now let's all sit down and have a nice cup of coffee." Bebe said, diffusing the situation. Tweek hummed in agreement, and set off to finish Bebe's drink and to get started on Clyde's. Clyde didn't really like coffee, opting for teas or milkshakes. However, there was one coffee based drink that he did like- a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso in it. It was surprising, given that Craig had said it as a joke, but Clyde seemed to take a shine to it.

As Tweek set off to make the drinks, Clyde and Bebe sat down in a booth. "So, um," Clyde began awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. "How are you?"

"I'm good! I just got back from travelling abroad, oh it was amazing! Let me tell you all about it!" Bebe beamed excitedly. Clyde couldn't help but to groan at this. The only person that talked more than himself was Bebe. Sometimes, she would just never shut up. It was cute at first, but it slowly decayed into something bitter and annoying. His lack of interest in her passions was a factor that had contributed to their failing relationship. But now, there was something almost endearing about it. A pleasant sense of nostalgia hung in the air.

After what seemed like an eternity of non-stop babbling, Tweek came over and brought their drinks. 

"Yeah, and then the priest drank the blood of the llama-" Bebe said, gesturing wildly. 

Clyde was resting a cheek on his hand, looking appropriately bored. He perked up when he saw Tweek walk towards them with a tray. "Oh Tweek! You saved me! Now I don't have this listen to this stupid legend-"

"Hey! It is not stupid, thank you very much. It's interesting! And there's a moral to it." Bebe interjected, pouting slightly.

Tweek spoke up. He didn't want to intrude too much on their conversation, but this was important to Clyde. "Bebe's right, Clyde. You might find that it's somewhat relevant."

Clyde scoffed. "What? How is this even remotely relevant?"

"A-ah, I guess not. Don't worry, I'm just spouting some silly conspiracy theory." Tweek said darkly. Clyde couldn't know the truth about Craig. Not yet. The best that Tweek could do was offer some sort of hint. 

"Okay then? Oh, but that reminds me! The thing that I wanted to tell you. I finally got to talk to Craig again." Clyde said, almost carelessly. Tweek blanched at this. How was it that the noirette and brunette were talking? Craig was so careful to hide everything about his amnesia, and tried his best to ignore Craig. Surely he wouldn't have just let it slip. 

"Wh-what? I mean, ngh, that's great!" Tweek exclaimed, putting on a fake smile. In truth, he was terrified about this revelation, and it wasn't like he even had a reason to be. There was a strange feeling inside of him that he couldn't quite describe. There was a storm brewing. The last time he felt this way was when he had the dream about Craig in Peru. Either way, one thing was certain- this wasn't going to end well. 

But before Clyde could explain himself, the bell by the door chimed again. And in came Kenny McCormick with his arm around the shoulders of Craig Tucker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! What's going to happen now? Originally, I was going to have Craig and Clyde reunite properly this chapter, but you know what? I'm just gonna pad this out lmao. I feel kinda bad because all you lovely people have been waiting for nearly two weeks (sorry) for the juicy stuff to happen, and now you're just gonna have to wait a bit longer. But hey, at least we have some foreshadowing! I'm really sorry for the blatant inaccuracies regarding the Incan Empire, but that was the only thing I could up with :')
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone for sticking with me this far! I truly appreciate it. Also, as a side note, feel free to follow me on my tumblr slashisntreal! Send in asks, messages, whatever- I always love hearing your thoughts on my fic! :)


	9. Retreat

Suffice to say, the air was tense. You could cut it with a metaphorical knife. It almost looked like a scene from some drama- cue the camera panning over everyone's faces, ranging from Kenny's mischievousness to the look of utter betrayal on Clyde's face. Meanwhile, Bebe was sipping her coffee a bit too enthusiastically as if she was revelling in the fact that shit was about to hit the fan, and Tweek felt his heart rate spike up. He didn't really like conflict, and he especially didn't want it to happen inside his coffeehouse. And as for Craig, well, he was just standing there, looking positively bored. He was glancing off to the side, as if the blackboard menu had suddenly turned into something more worthy of grabbing his attention. All the while, nobody spoke a single word. In the background, the sound of the radio permeated the room. Unfortunately, the lyrics to some cheesy pop song was not the dramatic orchestral track that a scene of this calibre deserved. 

Craig decided to break the silence. If nobody else was going to do something about the situation, he would. "So. Are we all going to just stare at each other? You know, I pack a pretty mean punch when it comes to staring competitions, what, with the eye lasers and all." Craig said flatly. Everyone turned to look at him. Was he seriously joking around here, at a time like this? Sometimes, it was hard to tell when Craig was being serious or sarcastic.

"It's been pretty cold, huh?" Bebe offered weakly, trying to change the subject. She came here to get a nice cup of coffee, not to bear witness to what could possibly be the worst fight ever. Even if it was fun to watch drama unfold, it wasn't so fun when it involved her and her close friends. "Have you all thought about what gifts you're giving for Christmas? I might get Mom some nice perfume." Bebe said, absently stirring her coffee. She knew the boys wouldn't listen to her when they were like this, but at least she could tell herself that she tried to stop things from escalating. On the other hand, there was the part of her that couldn't wait to update Wendy about the latest drama. 

Kenny smirked. He had let go of Craig, but he was still standing pretty close to the noirette. The two were a pretty odd sight. Back in high school, Craig and Tweek were the power couple around town. Anxious blonde boy meets tall dark and handsome- they were like something you would see in an incredibly generic, but still somewhat enjoyable high school romantic comedy. However, Craig and Kenny were something else entirely. It was more like tall dark and handsome meets his match and forms an epic rivalry with the stoned stud. They drove each other up the wall with unresolved tension, maybe sexual, maybe not, and the Asian girls were eating it all up. 'Crenny' was the second most popular pairing after 'Creek'. While Kenny didn't seem to mind, Craig certainly did. There was a time where he saw a yaoi picture of him and Kenny, but Kenny was dressed up like Tweek with his iconic green button up, and it had made Craig  _very_ uncomfortable. He didn't want to see Kenny's cocky grin on someone like Tweek. Then Craig realised that Tweek and Kenny shared quite a lot in common, with their similar home lives and shitty parents. They could have easily turned out like the other. 

However, there was something in particular that Craig didn't like about Kenny. The blonde smiled way too often. He was always smiling. He would shrug off people's attempts to reach out to him in concern, with an 'I'm okay', but the fact was, he was not okay. How could anyone be okay when purple splotches were splayed all over their body, or when their eyes were yellow with jaundice? Behind every 'I'm okay' was a reason that would elicit such a response. Craig didn't know why he acted like this. What was the point of putting on a brave face for everyone? Sure, Craig wasn't one to talk with his title of the 'Ice King', but at least he knew what he was feeling, and the implications of it. Kenny seemed like he didn't understand what the concept of pain or suffering was, and if he did, he definitely didn't show it. This was the difference between Tweek and Kenny, and perhaps the reason why Craig couldn't ever fall in love with someone like Kenny. Where Tweek was reserved yet resolved, passive but proactive, Kenny was outgoing and brave, and basically everything Craig looked for in a guy. But the insincerity to those close to him, and more importantly, to himself, was something that Craig could not get behind.

Then again, he would be lying to himself if he said that he had never thought about feeling up those perky pink nipples that Princess Kenny often flashed, or what those dry, chapped lips would feel against his own. To be fair, Craig Tucker was one horny bastard back then. He had even thought about Stan Marsh, of all people, showering in the locker room. Fuck Stan. 

"Let's just skip the pleasantries," Kenny began. "I think we all know why we're here." Kenny said darkly. In hindsight, a statement like that could have only meant that he intended to stir the pot. But acting like the bad boy was always fun, and the look on everybody's faces was worth it. Even if it was all just one big coincidence that Kenny had bumped into Craig and dragged him along to Tweak Bros, he knew that Craig and Clyde needed to have a talk- it was going to happen sooner or later, and if Kenny could help Craig man the fuck up, then it was even better. 

Kenny had come to pick Karen up from school and give her a lift home, when he had accidentally crashed into Craig, causing him to drop all his files as he was knocked down to the floor. It was literally something you would find in the aforementioned high school rom-com. As papers scattered everywhere, the two looked at each other in eye, but instead of love hearts and sparkles, there was an underlying animosity burning deep within.  _McCormick,_ Craig spat out. Kenny countered with a shit-eating grin,  _Tucker_. Their exchange went a little like this:

Craig: Are you going to help pick up my shit or what?

Kenny: Nah, I'm good here. Watch your fucking language, there are small children around here! So, teaching huh?

Craig: Counselling.

Kenny: Same thing. How have you been, my old friend?

Craig: What the fuck do you want from me? 

Kenny: Jeez, can't we have a civil conversation? What's up your ass? Oh wait, Clyde's dick, right?

Craig: Don't even joke about that shit.

Kenny: You need to talk to him, you know. You can't just keep ignoring him forever.

Craig: Why the hell do you care? It's none of your business. 

Craig: What are you doing here, anyway?

Kenny: I was going to pick up Karen. But I think I'll just ask Marjorine to drive her home. She's at the community centre, so she can come by and grab my car. Maybe I'll get them to pick up some groceries while they're at it. Meanwhile, you and I need to have a little chat. 

Craig: Who the fuck is Marjorine? Do you really trust some random chick with your car and little sister?

Kenny: Wanna find out? Come with me, we can talk about it over a nice hot drink at Tweek's place. 

Craig: No. I'm busy.

Kenny: Suit yourself. I mean, I don't think you would want to walk all the way over there, so it's better to just come with me.

Craig: ...

Craig: How the fuck did you steal my car keys? 

Kenny: Took you long enough. Don't just drop all of your shit. Now are you interested? 

Craig: You walked into me, asshole! And ugh, fine! It's only because I want my fucking keys back! 

And so, that was how Craig and Kenny found themselves at Tweek Bros.

Nobody acknowledged McCormick. Instead, Clyde’s voice broke through the awkward silence. “Craig…” he breathed out, as if he was incapable of forcing anything else out. The brunette had wrought his hands in anxiety, and his eyes shimmered with moisture. “Craig,” Clyde said again. He took a step closer to Craig. Everyone but Craig looked at him with pity, almost as if they were looking at a puppy just waiting to be put down.

There was something about the way that Clyde said his name that was Craig’s undoing. It was as if everything shut down. His ears refused to accept any sensory information that wasn’t his name. His eyes had focused on his former best friend, drinking in every bit of Clyde, from the brown stubble above his pink lips, to the wrinkles of the jacket he was wearing. In that moment, there was nothing in the universe but Craig and Clyde.

“Clyde.” Craig said, swallowing. There was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t quite just dislodge, and it was getting hard to breathe. It was hot. Too hot. Even if it was the middle of December. The air was oppressive and heavy, almost as if the gravity of the situation was literally crushing them. “Clyde…” Craig murmured again, taking a step forward to meet the brunette.

There was something inside of Craig that was stirring. A strange sensation that was perpetually lingering, something that had laid dormant, waiting to be awoken for this very moment. The more he thought about Clyde, and remember the little he did about the brunette, the stronger it grew. It fed on the… affection the Craig had for his best friend. No, not affection. It was an _obsession_. It was toxic and unhealthy and damaging, but maybe that didn’t really matter because it was born out of _love_. Craig didn’t know where it came from. This love. This obsession. Perhaps it came from before the first reset. And even if his memories were all wiped, even if the electrical connections between the trillions of neurons in his brain had been severed, that didn’t mean they couldn’t be rebuilt. The potential pathways were still there.

 And then, for some reason, tears were pooling in Craig’s eyes. Hesitantly, he raised a hand to his face, feeling the beads of cool moisture travel down his cheeks. He shivered involuntarily at the strange sensation.  “Huh? Wh-why… Why am I crying?” Craig coughed out.

No one answered, or rather, they couldn’t. They stared down at their feet, stony faced.

Craig walked to Clyde, swaying slightly. He couldn’t think straight. His head pounded with the might of a thousand drums, screaming at him to stop.

Stop what?

He couldn’t remember.

 It was as if he was going through an out of body experience. When he stepped, he felt like the ground beneath him would open up and swallow him whole. He looked at Clyde again. His vision was blurred. Maybe it was the tears, or maybe it was something else. He couldn’t see his best friend.

“I shouldn’t be crying. I shouldn’t feel sad over something I never really had. I shouldn’t feel sad because I lost my best friend. It never happened.” Craig said. He pointed at the non-descript brunette that was getting ever so harder to see.

“I don’t know who you are.” Craig stated, but the questioning tone in his voice made it seem like he wasn’t too sure about that either.

Clyde sighed in resignation. His face was wet with tears. Seeing Craig, his best friend of ten years, crying, was the breaking point. He had never seen Craig cry like this before. Even when Stripe #4 had died, the guinea pig that Tweek had got for him, he was withdrawn and irritable, but he didn’t actually cry. But now, this was different. The confused, vulnerable look on Craig’s face broke Clyde’s heart. Craig was supposed to be that cool kid who didn’t give a fuck about anything.

“I know, Craig. But it’s okay.” Clyde said. Clyde shook his head, rubbing his eyes incessantly. He had always suspected that there was something going on with Craig. Why else would have Craig ignored him for so long? Sure, Craig was an asshole, but it couldn’t be that bad, right? And as sick as it was, there was a small part inside of Clyde that was relieved. This was a second chance. A chance to start over, because even if their bond had been broken, it didn’t mean the basis for it was gone. And maybe Clyde could learn to fall in love with Craig all over again.

Meanwhile, Kenny, Tweek and Bebe had moved to the back room. It was agreed that Clyde and Craig needed their privacy, even if they had forgotten that the three were still there. Tweek whispered, “I hope they’ll be okay”, to which Bebe nodded. Kenny let out a small laugh. “Honestly, they’re such dorks. But at least they have each other.”

 Craig bit his lip. “Then tell me. Tell me who you are. Tell me who I am.” He said. Everything was hurting. He wanted the pain to stop.

Clyde smiled bitterly. He approached Craig, and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace. Clyde leaned his head on Craig’s shoulders, whispering into his ears. He was probably getting snot all over his clothes, but he didn’t care.

“You’re Craig Tucker. You’re my best friend. You’re 21 years old and your birthday is in January or October, depending on who you ask,” Clyde began, smirking at the memory. They were in the fourth grade and Craig was low on pocket money. He decided to see if his grandmother would lend him some cash- he claimed it was his birthday. His grandmother, her mind addled with dementia, didn’t know any better and gave him a hundred dollars. Craig was so happy that day. However, his guilty conscience ate away at him, and he slipped the money back into her purse when she wasn’t looking.

Clyde continued. “You’re… well, you’re not exactly the nicest guy out there. Back in school, everyone either hated your guts or loved you. Either way, you got people talking. I mean, you weren’t as popular as Kyle or Stan, but still, you were pretty cool.”

Craig nodded. He already knew about all this, but hearing it from Clyde made the throbbing in his head dim down just a bit. It was grounding. He was glad he had someone like Clyde to validate who he was.

“Did you know we had this list back in fourth grade? All the girls voted for who they thought who was the cutest guy in class. Funnily enough, I was on the top of that list. God, I felt like top shit when I saw that. It really inflated my ego. But the thing is, that list was rigged. And it turned out that you were on the top of the list. I was actually so fucking mad when I found out. You weren’t even that cute, I told myself. You had greasy hair and your teeth was crooked.” Clyde said, smiling wryly. He moved his hand up, tracing Craig’s face with his fingers. Craig flinched at the sudden contact, but didn’t resist.

Clyde rested a finger on Craig’s nose. “But you know what? You really were the cutest guy all along.” Clyde breathed out.

“I… don’t know. I don’t know how to feel all about this.” Craig said, averting his gaze.

“I know you don’t. And that’s okay. I’m here to help.” Clyde replied. He ran a hand through Craig’s hair.

“Do you remember how we actually met? I think it must have been around kindergarten, we were maybe five or six years old. I had moved into town, and we were next-door neighbours. As we were settling in, my mom asked yours if she could set up a play date for us. I don’t exactly remember what we did, but I do remember sniffing some markers. We acted like we were high as shit.” Clyde said.

“You had your green marker,” Clyde recounted. “Then you drew all over my face. Spots.” He mimicked the gesture with his finger, touching Craig’s cheeks. “And then you laughed at me. Called me a frog.” Clyde pouted. “And I was like, ‘nuh uh!’ and you were like, ‘yeah!’, and me being a fat little child, not wanting to be a frog, cried. It was so childish, to be honest.” Clyde said. “Do you remember what happened after that?” Clyde asked.

“No.” Craig answered. He tried as hard as he could to remember the memory Clyde was referring to, tilting his head in thought. But just as he tried to focus on the flickers of familiarity that passed by, a sharp pain would course through his body, breaking his concentration. It was utterly frustrating.

“Well, you told me not to cry. That was the first time, and definitely not the last. Then you said, ‘If I give you a kiss, you’ll become a princess!” Think about that Craig. Do you realise how fucking gay that is? But at the time, I didn’t care about that. I didn’t want to be a princess. I wanted to be a prince. Yours. And I think… I think that was the first time I realised that we could be more than best friends.” Clyde said quietly.

Clyde grabbed Craig’s hand. Craig didn’t react. This was wrong. Clyde was taking advantage of Craig who wasn’t exactly in his right mind. But Clyde, just being near him, it made the pain fade away. Was losing control of yourself so bad when it also meant that you let go of your pain?

“Can I ask you a question?” Clyde asked.

“You just did,” Craig said dryly.

Clyde flicked Craig’s wrist. “Don’t be a smartass. Anyway, I need to know if you trust me.”

“How can I trust someone I barely even know?”

“Yeah, fair enough. But people make bad decisions all the time. Maybe I can be one of those decisions.”

“Maybe you can. Maybe you can’t. Surprise me.” Clyde stepped away at this. This guy wasn’t Craig.

“…You’re not acting like yourself, Craig.” Clyde said, tinges of sadness in his voice.

“I could say the same for you. But maybe we don’t need to be ourselves right now. You don’t need to keep acting like this pussy who has this massive crush on his best friend, bitching about the fact that his feelings won’t be reciprocated, when the fact is, I always have.” Craig said, but the words felt strangely isolated, almost as if someone else was speaking them.

“Y-you… You don’t know what you’re saying!” Clyde protested. A primal fear had blossomed deep inside of him. Clyde was scared. Scared of this Craig, scared of the implications of what he was saying. Clyde had always wanted to hear something like that from him, but not like this.

“I don’t? How can you say that?” Craig questioned, a mocking lilt to his voice.

“Shut up!” Clyde cried.

“Make me,” Craig smirked.

And make him Clyde did. The brunette took Craig’s lips into his own, effectively shutting him up. It was awkward at first as the angle was uncomfortable and they had bumped teeth, but soon enough, they found themselves in a comfortable position. Something in Clyde was screaming.

Stop.

_Stop._

But Clyde wasn’t listening. After all, this wasn’t real. It was just a really good dream. Or maybe a nightmare. In any case, the rush of adrenaline felt fucking amazing. Clyde leaned into Craig, parting his mouth slightly, deepening the kiss. His tongue roamed around rows of crooked teeth, exploring the crevices of Craig’s mouth. They briefly broke apart to breathe, an obscene trail of saliva hanging between them. Then they went back at it again. They were savage animals, fighting for dominance. They kissed with the passion and inferno of a thousand suns. Their hands, caressing each other's backs, seemed to fit so perfectly in place. They were both the sculptor and sculpture simultaneously. After a while, they stopped.

“Fuck,” Craig murmured, slightly dazed.

“Fuck indeed. I’ve always wanted to do this to you.” Clyde said, smiling gently. He rested his head on Craig’s shoulders, breathing in his scent. It wouldn’t have mattered if the sky fell, or if fire and brimstone hailed down from the heavens above, because at that moment, as long as they had each other, everything would be alright in the end. “I love you,” Clyde whispered softly. “Always have. Always will.”

“I…” Craig began, unsure of what to say. He didn’t feel like having logical or rational thoughts. He didn’t feel like making a judgement on anything. He just wanted to enjoy the moment. Shameless, raw euphoria washed over him, dousing him in waves of pleasure. 

“You don’t need to say anything. I get it, you probably hate me now. But… I’m okay with that. I accepted it a long time ago. I just wanted to have this one little thing to myself." Clyde said. 

"...You're so selfish, Clyde."

"I know, Craig. I know this already. But then again, so are you. Isn't that right, Feldspar?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Back with another update. I'm actually so sorry for the delay, I've been really busy to be honest. I wrote most of this on the numerous flights I was on while travelling overseas, and my sleep deprived ass couldn't exactly edit properly. Also, I apologise for the oocness, but there's a good reason for it!
> 
> Until next time, see ya later! :)


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